A fool and his money

'Suggestion Box' matters

Bernard Hollowood

There is no better way of studying the mood of industry than by making a careful examination of the contributions to the suggestion box of a great company such as the Snacker and Diplocket Small Things Co (1928) Ltd.

At Snacker's the suggestion box hangs in the corridor leading to Canteen B and it is invariably stuffed to overflowing with notes scribbled on the backs of pay envelopes, duplicate pools forms and scraps of the Mirror and the Sun. What follows is a random fistful of suggestions and comments extracted during a single week in the period immediately prior to the Referendum.

Machinist 308, Hudson Smith, writes: "Jack Jones's idea for flat rate cash pay increases for all is OK for Jack Jones who hopes to get the same rise as the miners. Was there ever a more perfect example of the 'I'm all right, Jack' mentality that bedevils British industry?"

Mabel Schnabel, packing shed stapler, writes: "Fair's fair and all that and credit where credit is due. I've noticed a considerable improvement in the male attitude to female workers — a new respect — since that Japanese woman climbed Everest. Clearly, the men are impressed more by this feat than they were by Mrs Thatcher's assumption of the leadership of the Tory party.

"Twice last week in the canteen I was offered a fag by capstan lathe -minders, a gesture unknown in the past, and Sonny Barstowe, shop steward, actually opened a door for me. Of course, I am no chicken and I don't expect the wolf whistles that the younger girls get from the men in the packing shed, but I can't remember feeling so 'wanted' since Amy Johnson made her recordbreaking flight to Australia_ All we need now is a female Evel Knievel and women's lib will really be on the up and up!"

"I wish to protest in the strongest possible terms," writes foundry overseer 71, Albert Guthrie, "against the company's insidious propaganda for the pro-market faction in the referendum. The word 'Yes' was plastered throughout the works for a month before the ballot. Examples: 'Should one wash one's hands before leaving the toilets?' (in tiny lettering) followed by an enormous 'YES.' 'Are Snaker's going to win the S. Midlands darts championship this year?' (in diamond type) followed again by a two-feet 'YES.

"D'you call this industrial democracy?" • , "Although the company has not acceded to the union's request for complete information on matters of planning and finance, news filters through to us workers from our good friends among the secretaries and girls of the typing pool," writes shop steward H. L. Finnemore. "Thus we learn that a certain Christopher Clamp, a rep, has been given or allowed the sole use of a company car.

"Now it is well-known that Clamp travels barely once a month, if that, on Snacker business and then not much further than the clubhouse of Megthorpe Golf Club, and we strongly object to such fringe benefits for the few. Jack Jones is right: there should be equal pay increases for all, right across the board, and these increases should include fringe benefits such as use of works' cars, butter (instead of marge) in all canteens — not merely in the staff canteen — drinks all round whenever they are dispensed to visitors in the board room, an end to the preferential parking system, and so on. "Charlie Knowles, mould-runner, tells me that he worked three days last month in Mr Peter Diplocket's home — helping Mrs D to wallpaper the attic. How can this type of thing be tolerated by a company in which 2 per cent of the ordinary shares are held by employees? I shall, of course, raise the matter at the next AGM and unless the management has a decent explanation there will be ructions."

The next suggestion comes from Natalie Treadmill, scrubber. "As you know," it reads, "we now pay 4p for drinks dispensed by the vending machines which are supposed to offer a choice of tea, coffee, cocoa or soup. Unfortunately, the liquids all taste much the same and this has given rise to an increase in gambling among the workers. Bets are laid on which lever has been pressed to release a certain drink and this means that two apprentices visit the vending machine — one to fetch the drink, the other to act as witness — whenever the journeymen feel like a flutter. I have written to the Anti-Gambling League, of which I am a member, about this disgraceful state of affairs.

-What makes the Matter all the more depressing is the fact that the

vending machines are .made" by Snacker's and are,.I believe, among our most successfulzexport lines."

"Among the graffiti that disfigure the recreation Joom walls," writes Mavis, Troutbeck, typist, "are a number of puzzling signs reading 'East Africa for the Prudential'. I am told that the culprits are immigrant workers and that the slogan refers in some way to a cricket competition. I am not, however, convinced and feel sure that the message is part of a move to transfer Prudential Assurance, with which I have a policy, to somewhere like Uganda. Naturally I am worried and should be grateful for a reliable explanation."

Finally, a suggestion from Horace Plate, invoice clerk. "I have been with the company for eighteen years," he writes, "and something about the lay-out of the Benares Ware production lines has always troubled me. The belt conveyor starts opposite the cycle rack off C Shop and proceeds for 45 yards in a dead straight line until it is brought to a standstill by the female operatives' powder room.

As you know, this break in the line means that uncompleted goods have to be manhandled round the room before resuming their. journey on the second ancliblast stage of the conveyor. "Three workers are employed in this manhandling and so far the union has vehemently opposed the removal of the powder room barrier because of the three jobs at stake. Yet the cost of the interruption in flow must be criOpling. Would the union allow the obstruction to be removed and the flow made continuous if jobs were found for the three `trundlemen' in the warehouse or export rejects depot? A new powder room could easily be built in the yard by the loading bay.

"We hear so much these days about the need for industrial efficiency that I have decided to air my views in spite of the harassment that will undoubtedly now come my way.

"And let me add that I am content to remain an invoice clerk and am not angling for promotion."

Bernard Iloilo wood, formerly editor of Punch, writes this column weekly in The Spectator