Westminster corridors
Man, as my Cousin Addison once had occasion to say, may be considered in two Views; capable of becoming himself either Happy or Miserable and of contributing to the Happiness or Misery of his Fellow Creatures.
Now it has long been my opinion that the Members of the Club seek constantly to make themselves Happy while caring not a fig for those who dwell in Misery, those very People who first elected them to the Club, yea, their Constituents.
That the Members should vote to themselves an increase of emolument far in excess of the limit laid down by our beloved Prime Minister in an emotional address some days ago is of no immediate concern to me (though, of course, it may be to the Electors).
What does concern me is the Manner in which the Members appear to discharge their duties in the way of seeking to justify the massive emoluments they demand. I refer, as my Readers will no doubt have guessed, to the deplorable farce at the Club the other night when the Ruffian Government was "defeated" on an amendment to the Finance Bill concerning the payment of the noxious tax known as VAT.
But, I hear you cry, are not defeats for the Government a Good Thing for Democracy? Should there not be more of Them? In truth there should and it would be a memorable day when the Tories and Whigs actually started to Oppose the Ruffians in Divisions at the Club.
Be not misled, though, by the antics of the said other night. That was no defeat. That band of clowns who like to be known as Party Managers arranged the whole caper in the privacy of Mr Robert "Pearly Queen" Mellish's room and "agreed" that there should be a "defeat" on the "inconsequential amendment" so that the Government would not suffer humiliation on any substantive and essential part of the Bill.
And so to the amendment. By two votes (several Ruffians being in the Television Room watching Match of the Day) it was agreed by the Mother of-Parliament that the rate of VAT on hired televisions should not be 25 per cent (as the Chancellor of the Exchequer ordained in his Budget Statement last April) but 8 per cent as it had been before April 15. You will agree, I am sure, that this is absolutely world-shattering in its implications. It hits, does the amendment, at the very core of rotten, Marxist, Ruffian philosophy and is (as Mrs "Harmony Hair Spray" Thatcher so eloquently put it) "one in the eye for Master Benn."
Just think — the Club has got its priorities • right. The Members have not wasted time on reducing the punitive rate of VAT for (say) old age pensioners. They have not bothered with seeking to alleviate the burden of tax generally on the less well paid. They have in no way attempted to assist the poor in the purchase of essentials. They have lowered the rate of VAT on television sets rented under hire agreements. Here I must pause for breath. The sheer statesmanship of it all, the utter commitment to the cause of the People of this Nation is so overwhelming that I am obliged to reconsider my cynical judgement of Politicians of all hues. What soul-searching there must have been that night in the offices of Mr Mellish. These Party Managers, these elected Members of the Club, with their pay rises in their pockets, weighing (like latter-day Solomons) the future of the Nation.
Poor Mr Humphrey -I'm Easy" Atkins, the Tory Chief Whip. Imagine his feelings as he wrestled with his Conscience and with Mr Mellish ("Well, we like a bit of sport down in Bermondsey, my Darlings"). Visualise, if you dare, Mr Walter "No Frills" Harrison and his opposite number Mr "Gentleman Jack" Weatherill.
Say what you will, they did their duty. So that the Finance Bill would not appear to be having an "easy ride" through its Report Stage, they hounded and herded their respective flocks into the respective Lobbies. Treasury Ministers were well and truly shown that what they wrote, the Club could easily un-write.
What a blow for the Government. Or alternatively, what a blow for Democracy. Frankly, what a blow for the nose.
Tom Puzzle
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