YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. I have been invited to two weddings on the same day, one in Norfolk and the other in Gloucestershire. As both couples have overlapping friends, a certain amount of rivalry is developing and the Gloucester- shire invitation asks people to 'RSVP by 28 June'. I would like a bit longer in order to find out what others are doing before I decide. There are certain considerations, such as who I might be able to stay with, Possible lifts in helicopters on to the one in Norfolk which has a dance in the evening etc. How can I hedge my bets until I have gauged which wedding will offer the best social payload?
Name withheld, London SW7 A• Why not send a 'reply' to the Glouces- tershire one in the form of a letter which clearly comes from you, as it bears your address at the top and your signature, but on which you have scrawled 'Please send me a copy of the "Next" (or other likely) catalogue to the above address.' Enclose a cheque for £3, made out to 'Next Cata- logue' for added authenticity. In this way, You can pretend that either you or a secre- tary stuffed the letter into the wrong enve- lope by mistake. You will avoid the charge of bet-hedging for another ten days or so, until challenged by the giggling bride in question as she berates you for your half- wittedness.
Q. I am a bibliophile and my bookshelves are crammed. There are always several books waiting to be read, and yet friends and acquaintances will persist in lending me others, insisting that I will love them and that my life is incomplete until I have read them. I never do read them, and they lie around the house for weeks, represent- ing a reproach to me and an irritation to my wife. How can I put a stop to this?
CAL, Melton, Woodbridge A. Next time someone offers you a book, cry out in amazement, 'That's frightfully kind of you, but what a coincidence! I've just ordered it this morning from Heywood Hill!'
Q. My husband has been made redundant and now spends a lot of time at home. A problem has arisen, as I have employed four rather insolent youths to do some dec- orating, and my husband feels ill at ease moping around the house while they are present. What should I do?
M.W, Wiltshire A. Why not suggest that your husband enrolls in a calligraphy class at his local adult education centre? In this way, he can be practising writing while the youths are present and will appear to be busy with paperwork.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, send it to Dear Mary, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WCI.
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