PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK
`Looks like a nasty case of Blair bashing, superintendent.' Mr John Maples, the vice-chairman of the Conservative Party said in a memoran- dum, 'If Blair turns out to be as good as he looks, we have a problem.' He also suggest- ed getting 'a few yobbos of our own to try to knock him about a bit'. Mr Dennis Skin- ner, the well-known Labour yobbo, pre- tended to be shocked; the Speaker said she would not put up with 'organised efforts to undermine the procedures and the order of the House'. Government plans to sell off Railtrack are expected to raise £6.5 billion — enough to fund a 3p cut in income tax before the election. The Chairman of British Gas, Mr Cedric Brown, was given a 75 per cent pay rise, bringing his salary to £475,000. Mr Tony Benn was voted off the Commons committee on privileges after publishing its proceedings to the press; he also published the proceedings of the meet- ing that sacked him. The Commons agricul- ture committee proposed that quarantine of animals to prevent rabies should be dis- continued. A Norfolk vicar in charge of 13 parishes has had his licence withdrawn by his bishop after announcing his intention to marry again after two divorces. A league table of school examination results was published, showing, among other things, that of the top 300 comprehensives, Catholic schools were over-represented by 100 per cent. The Irish Republican Army admitted that one of its members murdered a postman in Newry, Co. Down, earlier this month; the City of London erected more cameras to deter terrorists from blowing up its buildings. Doris Speed, who played Annie Walker in Coronation Street for 23 years, died, aged 95. Devon Malcolm, the England fast bowler, was prevented from playing in Australia when he caught chick- en pox. An 18-year-old unemployed man from Liverpool pretended that he was among the seven winners who won £839,254 in the first national lottery.
AIRCRAFT FROM the North Atlantic Treaty bombed an airfield at Udbina, in Croatian territory held by Serbs. The raid came after the United Nations Security Council sanctioned military action against Serb positions outside Bosnia. The Serbs were moving in on the Muslim enclave of Bihac and had used napalm and cluster bombs. More Nato strikes were promised if the Serbs did not behave. Thirteen Pales- tinians were shot dead in clashes with their own police force; death threats were made against Mr Yassir Arafat, the chairman of the Palestine Liberation Front. In Ireland, Mr Bertie Ahern became the leader of Fianna Fail and Taoiseach after the resig- nation of Mr Albert Reynolds; but a gener-
al election was avoided and the coalition with Labour continued. The Nepal Com- munist Party with the United Marxist and Leninist Party became the biggest group in the Nepalese parliament with 86 of the 205 seats. President Silvio Berlusconi of Italy has been entered on a magistrate's list for investigation of fraud. The Angolan gov- ernment signed a peace treaty with Uniao Nacional por Independencia Total de Angola. Asian shares prices fell sharply at the prospect of American interest-rate rises. The organisation of Oil Exporting Countries agreed to limit its members' pro- duction to 24.52 million barrels a day in an attempt to drive up prices. A new town in Fiji is to be named Cotswold in gratitude to the people of Cirencester who sent £2,250 to help people made homeless by a tropical storm. Another tropical storm killed 94 in Somalia and Djibouti. A warning from Japan to the United States that war was imminent was held up until after the bomb- ing of Pearl Harbor because the first secre- tary at the embassy in Washington was a slow typist, it was claimed. Cab Calloway, the jazz singer and bandleader, died, aged 86. Soda, a Norfolk terrier belonging to Mr Chris Patten, the Governor of Hong Kong, bit a gardener; her brother Whisky commit- ted a similar crime in May.
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