YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. You recently advised readers on how to cover up the fact they they have forgot- ten someone's name at a party or other social event. Yet what can be done when one is openly accused of the crime? Walk- ing down Jermyn Street the other day, I heard a scream of 'Darling!' as a blonde Woman threw her arms around me and gave me a huge smacker. I had no idea who she was, and had to admit this when she looked at my bemused expression and said, 'You don't remember me do you?' She said it in such a sorrowful way that I felt frightfully guilty. How could I have played for time?
C.M., SW3 WhY not take a tip from a septuagenari-
playboy of my acquaintance? When sim- ilarly accused, he always replies, 'Of course I remember you, but your hair's quite dif- ferent from the last time I saw you.' He Points out that women's hair is invariably different from the last time a randomly selected person saw them and, while they are considering what their hair was like when they last saw you, they will usually unwittingly give away the details of that meeting. This will give you some clear clues as to their identity.
Q. How can one cure a near and dear one of an unfortunate verbal tic? My husband's Younger brother has started saying, 'What
Dear Mary.. .
fun!' at quite inappropriate moments even, for example, when I showed him my collection of Richard Jefferies novels.
P.W., London SW1 A. Next time your brother-in-law comes to stay, prepare a number of peel-off postal stickers with 'What fun!' written on them. Apply these to surfaces such as glasses of wine, new pieces of furniture, or floral dis- plays which are likely to elicit his admira- tion. This will be a gentle way of teasing the little chap out of his undesirable habit.
Q. I enjoyed your solution to the problem of teenage boys eating with their mouths open. I too am suffering from the table manners of someone with whom I have to eat quite often — my son's girlfriend. She does that thing of smearing her fork with her knife between mouthfuls, and it is clear from the open way in which she does this that no one has ever told her it is wrong or revolting. My son will come down on me like a ton of bricks and may even ask her to marry him if I mention it, so what should I do? Perhaps I am over-sensitive, but I do find it disgusting. He brings her to stay about every two weeks. R. McC., Colchester A. Restrict your menu during the girl's vis- its to foodstuffs which are normally levered into the mouth by means of chop-sticks sushi, stir-fry and the like. Once you are freed from the torture of watching the dreaded Repetitive Smearing Action, you will be able to observe the girl in a more impartial light.
Q. What is the etiquette regarding acknowl- edging someone you know when coming across them in a supermarket for the sec- ond time? This is in the wake of having already exchanged some banter with them during your first meeting a few moments before. Is one obliged to smile and make another wisecrack or something?
G.A.W., Marlborough A. There is no need to acknowledge people for a second time in such scenarios. Simply wear a dreamy expression on your face and screw your eyes up slightly as you stare at the shelves. The other person will be only too relieved that you have apparently failed to see them.
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