CITY AND SUBURBAN
From the fearful hole, Jean Force-Majeure and Sir Ken report on Lightatendoftunnel
CHRISTOPHER FILDES
Sir Kenneth Clarke, the ebullient co- chairman of Lightatendoftunnel, today announced a deficit of £32 billion for the year just ended. It showed how well Light- atendoftunnel, previously known as UK plc, was doing, said Sir Kenneth, though credi- tors need not expect to get their money back. This is only the latest shock from Lightatendoftunnel, or the Fearful Hole, as Sir Kenneth once called it. He had forecast a £21 billion deficit for the year, later rais- ing his estimate to £23 billion and then to £29 billion. Now he blames necessary rises in expenditure and unforeseen shortfalls in revenue, all of which were someone else's fault. Whoever it was, he is thinking of suing them. Meanwhile there should be no doubt, Sir Kenneth emphasised, that Lightatendoftunnel was a success story. It was now in its fourth year of expansion and the public was beginning to feel good about it, or soon would. Its performance was widely admired. If Lightatendoftunnel did not have to pay interest on its debts it would be doing better still, and if lenders did not charge such usurious rates, that, too, would help. Anybody might imagine that they did not think their loans were safe. The fore- casts showed, as always, that the position would improve from now on, and early in the next millennium Lightatendoftunnel would be in the black. It was merely a mat- ter of bookkeeping that the corporate debt now amounted to £343 billion, which meant borrowing money to pay the interest upon the interest. Economic development would now be the priority, and if the creditors did not like that they could lump it. They were not going to foreclose on Lightatendoftun- nel, said Sir Kenneth, what would they do with it, anyway? This question was passed to his shadowy co-chairman, Jean Force- Majeure, who replied: `Ah, oui.'
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