YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I was disappointed by the lapse from your usual high standards with last week's solution to the 13-at-table problem. A lady- bird in a matchbox would be quite inade- quate to boost the numbers. I am surprised at you.
S.D., Tisbury, Wilts A. You are quite right. I hope readers will forgive me. The correct solution is, of course, to push a card-table up to the main table when 13 are to sit down. This method is favoured by the Duchess of Devonshire, amongst others, on the grounds that the superstition is only applicable if 13 sit around one table but not if they sit around two.
Q. I have a husband who is addicted to what might be called the Lottery Expendi- ture Syndrome. Each Saturday night is characterised by his return from our local town armed with his ticket and a bottle of champagne which he immediately opens in anticipation of his win. Can you suggest any way in which I might wean him away from this depressing addiction?
LW-T, Newbury A. Next Saturday night at about 7.35, I sug- gest that, before becoming hypnotised by the plastic and virtual reality attributes of the Lottery presenter, your husband should write down, say, 20 additional sets of num- bers to supplement those he has already chosen and paid for. Since none of these numbers will in any way be relevant to the eventual draw, you will then have just cause to drink the champagne in a celebration of the fact that you have not wasted £20 — the cost of the champagne, in fact. Next time your husband may be happy to forgo mak- ing any real selections at all and just con- centrate on celebrating, with champagne, the amount of money he has saved through not contributing to this weekly Disappoint- ment Creation Scheme.
Q. A dear friend who regularly comes to stay in our tiny cottage makes a habit of barging through our bedroom into our own en suite bathroom when he needs to 'go'. This is despite the fact that there is a per- fectly adequate facility downstairs. My hus- band and I are not keen for this situation to continue, but when we remonstrate with our friend he merely roars with uninhibited laughter and tells us not to be neurotic. How can we stop him on future visits?.
C.B., Suffolk A. Why not fit a loo-seat-lock', available from Mothercare at £3.99? These devices are designed to thwart toddlers from throwing items such as jewellery into lava- tories in the belief that they are helping. Keep the key about your person at all times and when your friend shouts from upstairs that he is unable to open the loo seat, you can call back callously, 'You'd better come downstairs and use your own loo then!'
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