COMPETITION

Undespondent

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1537 you were in- vited to pen a poetic paean on Slough to offset Betjeman's rude lines on the subject.

It was last October that a local entre- preneur commissioned the poet Attila the Stockbroker to do a praise job. Does anyone know where one can read the result? Not that the town doesn't have its interesting features, which a surprising number of you were aware of: St Lawrence is a pleasant Norman church, here Gray conceived the idea of his Elegy, here William Herschel gazed through his tele- scope, here several thousand Welsh were resettled in the '30s. . . . Still, I suspect you found it uphill panegyric work. `Is there life on Slough?' asked D. Shepherd, like a desperate Herschel. Prizes of £15 apiece go to the winners printed below, commendations to Michael Brereton, A. D. Gibbons, Noel Petty and Ba Miller. The bonus bottle of Tokay Pinot Gris 1985, donated by Atkinson Baldwin and Co., St Mary's House, 42 Vicarage Crescent, Lon- don SW11, belongs to David Heaton, who decided that Slough could do with more French visitors.

Et voici la belle ville de Slough!

Ses fameux produits de cacao!

Emplacement tres snob, pits d'Eton, Sa clientele toute de bon ton.

Son ambiance et sa jolie gare, Degorgeant vingt mille banlieusards; Au Champ de Mars, terrain de sport.

Ses gamins font des balles encore; Ses nettes fabriques, ses grandes usines!

Ses copains et ses citadines!

Ces gens sont vraiment si gentils.

Leur accueil toujours bien senti.

A voir Slough, ainsi qu'on dit,

Une fois seulement, ca suffit. (David Heaton) Come, friendly visitors, descend on Slough! Our name denotes boggy beginnings, but it is different now.

We have beautiful offices in our Civic Centre, Which, having obtained permission, you may freely enter.

We owed our past prosperity to the railway bosses Who decided they could converge on Slough without any losses, And once the citizens heard these cheerful tidings They spread out in all directions and built their wonderful sidings.

Companies looking for somewhere to build their new factory Will find our workforce by no means refractory. You may visit the place where we make our famous Mars bar In extremely hygienic conditions acclaimed near and far.

So come, you visitors, enjoy the amenities of Slough While it is fresh and unspoiled, never better than now. Every citizen will warmly welcome you as you enter.

It's either that or becoming a Heritage Centre.

(June F. Langfield) Dear Mr Mayor, I'm sorry now I was so beastly about Slough, I do apologise, and bow My head in shame.

For when I look again I see A rising borough, brave and free, The home of high technology, Hungry for fame.

Thy vast industrial estate — To labour there, what nobler fate Could any Englishman await? Slough folk walk tall.

Thither from trains, planes, coaches, cars, Breathing a thousand 'oohs' and `ahs', The pilgrims come to worship Mars. God bless them all! (Stanley J. Sharpless) Near the celebrated Eton, where the College walls endow All around with ancient beauty, lies a noble city, Slough. All its streets are smooth and no unmade-up portion menaces — Experts say the traffic movement far surpasses Venice's!

Here the happy chocolate-sculptors, prettily engarbed in white, Carve out oblong delicacies for a molared world to bite.

Here distinguished academics, learned coteries, abound ('Gentlemen, the toast I give you is "The Salt Hill Pleasure Ground"!').

Dome, piazza, Washerama — powerful indeed their pull!

Look, down there some aesthetes gather. Hear them breathe 'Remarkable!

Floreat Municipalis Excellentissima!' (NB: Discount 10% for parties. Send for brochure, 50p.)

(P. I. Fell) o douce and bonnie borough of Slough. Much hast thou been traduced, I trow; But smooth the furrow from thy municipal

brow, For thy rightful guerdon do I bring thee now. 'Twas in the Thirties, when times were unco' hard.

That my grandsire (a son of the deathless Bard) Came sassenaching in a desperate hunt for work, For, verily, he was never a body to shirk.

He spent his few bawbees setting up an electrics shop, And thereafter nothing could his upward mobility stop: One of many who went from riding on Life's pillion To minting down South a bold braw million! Now I, of his canny ways a full worthy scion, Prosper on in this quintessential entrepreneurial Zion — For thou art the epitome, 0 sweet and comely Slough, Of all that is most rightly cherished in Britain