Radio

You cannot be serious

Michael Vestey

Radio comedy is no joke. At times, the very term is an oxymoron. Those of us who grew up in the Fifties with brilliant radio comics, Tony Hancock, Sid James, Ken- neth Williams and Kenneth Horne, the writers Simpson and Galton, Muir and Nordern and many others, feel the decline of this genre acutely. It may be a bad time of year but current comedy offerings on Radio Four are, on the whole, dire.

First the execrable. The Airport on Radio Four (Thursdays) is by far the most feeble comedy I have ever heard. When I listened to the first episode of this second series I though it incomprehensible, with actors shouting and shrieking at each other in Caribbean accents. West Indian humour can be a fine thing — the late Colin Maclnnes captured it in his London novels — but the writers of this series have mur- dered it.

I began to brood on the subjective nature of humour when I heard the studio audi- ence cackling in the background. They obvi- ously found it funny but I've had greater laughs listening to Baghdad Radio. Similar- ly, some people find Weekending on Radio Four (Fridays) amusing but I tend to sit through it with a face like a gravestone. It was very witty and sharp when it began in the early Eighties, but now the barbs at the week's news sound a little too desperate and contrived.

But television takes all the best writers, I was once told by a radio comedy mandarin, and we can't match the fees. Then, pay more, I say. The plight of radio comedy is Remind me, is this harassment or part of a recognised pay negotiation?' also compounded by political correctness. The BBC has always been susceptible to this but in the past three years it's been sweeping through the Corporation like a flesh-eating virus. The controller of Radio Four, Michael Green, has long yearned to broaden the social range of his network's listeners.

But when Green — once a talented radio producer — took over Radio Four he lived in terror of its rock-solid, largely middle- class audiences and their distaste for unnecessary change. It was our good for- tune that he was such a frightened rabbit. But now that Guardian Woman is in charge of BBC Radio, I mean, of course, its man- aging director, Liz Forgan, he seems to have become Super-Rabbit, bursting out of his Broadcasting House burrow brandish- ing a Beatrix Potter machete, to cut down his tormentors at last.

Indeed, while recovering from The Air- port, I dreamt of a BBC staff comedy meet- ing presided over by Super-Rabbit as he munched happily on his daily dose of let- tuce-flavoured ginseng.

Chief Humour Suit, CHS: Liz Forgan wants a comedy reflecting all classes and regions — but set in north London, where I live, of course.

Deputy Chief Humour Suit, DCHS (look of disgust): Not with middle-class characters, as well?

CHS: 'Fraid so. But don't worry, we can make them greedy, venal, cruel, unfeeling aubergine-eating, Tory-voting, Thatcherite child-haters.

Chief Assistant to Chief Humour Suit, CACHS (doubtfully): We don't want them to be too much like our traditional audi- ence.

DCHS (inspired): I know! We'll have a 17- year-old unmarried mother, salt of the earth working-class, naturally, a northern childless couple and a pair of real stinkers, a posh southern barrister and his idle-rich wife, all living in the same street near where I live.

CHS (triumphantly): And they can all be having babies!

Michael Green (reaching for machete): Bravo! I shall tell Liz this minute.

Upon waking, I switched on and heard what seemed to be the fruits of this discus- sion, On Baby Street on Radio Four (Wednesdays). However, it was not just the barrister who was a brute but all the men in this five-part sit-com. Still, it was funny in parts. At least the scriptwriters Jenny Eclair, a comedienne who also appears, and Julie Balloo know how to write come- dy and it was extremely well acted by, among others, Frances Barber, Caroline Hook, Graham Fellows and Hugh Ross.

The greatest humour on radio can be found in the panel games, old favourites like I'm Sony I Haven't A Clue, now resting, and Just A Minute, Radio Four (Saturdays). Humphrey Lyttelton is a great wit with marvellous timing, and Willie Rushton could raise a smile simply by reading from the Herne Bay telephone directory. It's good to hear Paul Merton's flights of anar- chy on Just A Minute now that Kenneth Williams is no more.

Fortunately, the News Quiz is returning to Radio Four in March, I hope with the very funny Barry Took in the chair and not the nasally-challenged Martin Young. Also, next month Radio Three will be broadcast- ing Mightier Than The Sword, satire with four Johns, Sessions, Fortune, Wells and Bird. So there is something to look forward to.