YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I have often felt frustrated, on visits to hairdressing salons, by the fact that one's submission to the sensuous relief of pro- longed digitocranial teasing, is usually thwarted by one's having to make small talk to the hairdresser. I am a well known public figure and do not wish to seem unfriendly. What do you advise?
IG, SW I .
A. Very few Londoners are aware of the unique facilities available at one of the oriental hairdressing salons around the Hanover Square Japanese apex. At Moga, for example, in Brook Street, full dorsal and cranial relief (in the form of shiatsu massage) form a natural part of even the most straightforward wash and blow-dry. Public figures may particularly enjoy these perquisites as they run no risk of being photographed when leaving the innocent salon. More to the point, there will be no need for you to make small talk with the hairdressers of such establishments. They prefer to concentrate on the geisha-like promotion of complete relaxation and they rarely have recourse to the English lan- guage.
Dear
Mary. . .
Q. My daughter of four is exactly one year older than my god-daughter of three. As children grow out of clothes in so short a time, it makes sense for me to pass on my daughter's clothes to my god-daughter who is exactly the right size for them, season by season. My problem is that I also wish to claw back these loaned items — some of which are fairly high quality — as I have another daughter of one. How can I make an accurate inventory of what I have loaned? FB, Essex.
A. Why not pin the tiny garments to a washing line once you have assembled a batch, for recycling – and then photograph them. In this way you will serve the twin purposes of practicality and social history. The photograph will be an invaluable aid to the recovery process and it will also provide a record which, in as little as ten years' time, will give a fascinating glimpse of the typical wardrobe of a three-year-old girl in 1991.
Q. How can one best humiliate someone at a drinks party? LMB, SW3.
A. You may find it a successful ruse to stop off at a suitable shop on your way to the party and buy a large plastic barrel of peanuts or, better still, something really addictive and messy, such as Bombay mix. On arrival you should make a bee-line towards the person you wish to humiliate and simply place the barrel on the table beside him. It will be only a matter of ten or so minutes before even the most strong- minded person will begin to make a repul- sive spectacle of himself.
If you have a problem write to 'Dear Mary', Th'e Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WCIN 2LL.
Mary Killen
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