HOW TO BEHAVE.
TIQUE'l Lb-BOOKS are like cookery-boas—very few 11 are practical. Really good cooks keep their secrets. Perhaps they could not impart them. Certainly they do not wish to. We imagine the same thing is true of those who regulate fashions in manners. If an etiquette-book were signed by a great Duchess, we should still doubt whether she had condescended to tell us truly, or to tell us all. Perhaps she would disclose to us some old receipts for pretty behaviour —just before she introduced some new. A book lies before us now called The Ways of Society, by Mrs. Danvers Delano (T. Werner Laurie, Is. net). However much she knows, she does not teach us a great deal, and we have an uncomfortable sus- picion that she would sometimes lead us wrong. Gooks do that too sometimes. Her social receipts are better on paper than in practice, we fancy, but anyhow they are diverting. Mrs. Delano does not write for the socially contented, but for social aspirants. She makes a bold appeal to "those people whom unkind circumstances have prevented from taking their place in the social world during their early years." We are to suppose such adventurous spirits leaving their comfortable home in the suburbs and looking for a house in Mayfair. They should, we learn, pitch upon a mansion in a fashion- able square, because in a square the garden offers possibilities of advantageous fraternization, at any rate for children. The next thing to be done is to secure the help of a lady of fashion, and then to give a ball. No expense mast be spared, and no old friends must be invited. The only difficulty against which apt pupils are warned is the difficulty of keeping on good terms with the obliging lady of fashion. However disagreeable she may be—and appar- ently she is likely to be very disagreeable—it is essential not to quarrel with her until the ball is over. Once launched it may be possible to make shift alone. Now comes the need for careful navigation. The social novices will have to pay calls, go out to dinner, stay in country houses. See.,and pitfalla lie around them on every aide. A call of a quarter of an hour is not a very formidable adventure. The rules laid down are simple. One suggestion is new and charming. It is better
for the caller to leave her umbrella in the hall, unless "the handle is something quite out of the ordinary," when "you might possibly be justifiedin clinging to it." This is by way of permission, we suppose, to any excessively shy person who longs for something to hold on to. Now, armed with a very peculiar umbrella, who could feel embarrassment in any society P It would divert the gaze of all who stare. But one would like to hear more on this subject. What peculiarities are admissible P Would a very large bird or a black man's head be suitable, or would chased gold do, or brilliant enamel? Might the hostess ask to look at it closer, or could the children play with it if any were present ? Mrs. Delano never tells us enough.
It is a short step from a call to a dinner party, and here the novice enters unsupported even by her wraps, let alone her parasol. Not much instruction is given as to behaviour until we come to saying "good-bye." To accomplish this ceremony properly in the eyes of our social mentor may well seem an insurmountable task. The guests "should say something graceful and courteous to their hostess as they leave, make some spontaneous and pleasant remark, nothing forced nor mechanicaL" This is excellent advice in itself, but one fears lest the thought of the spon- taneous remark which must be made before the carriage is reached might unduly preoccupy or depress the diner. A few remarks to serve as patterns should have been given. Mrs. Delano has no notion of lowering standards to admit out- siders. They ought to strive to have Manners of such charm as to "create a blank" when their possessors have withdrawn. It is worth an effort to live in circles where such manners are common. Guests at a country house, as described in this manual, have, again, a difficult exit to make, and very little help is vouchsafed them. "A nice little speech consistent with good breeding" is required. "Good breeding" is a vague term. In cookery-books we are advised to "season to taste," and are equally at sea. We turn from these very hard lessons to find something plainer and easier. If the pupil has a country house, she must be sure that all the upper housemaids wear round aprons. Now that is easily to be understood and remembered. She must never speak of the "slop-basin," but always say "tea-basin." Habit may prove a difficulty here. Might we suggest "sediment-bowl" as an alternative ? It is always much easier to make a complete than a partial change. "Good gracious !" is a vulgar exclamation which must never be used. Mrs. Delano mentions a few more expressions of a like nature which should be avoided. We wish she had specified a few which are allowable. Total abstinence from ejaculation is a great strain upon some temperaments. We are told that at a wedding the guests should never stand upon the seats. This is easily avoided. Had the advice taken the opposite form, many persons would have been too shy to follow it.
The question of dress is a serious one for all women who desire to get on in the world, and in this matter Mrs. Delano'e advice is amazing. "Can she be serious ? " we wonder as we read. But there is nothing from the first page to the last to indicate that she is not in dead earnest—from where she explains how to give a christening to where she dilates upon the social conduct of a funeral. Here is what she tells us about dress: "We don the neglige on every possible occasion. For instance, en famille we may breakfast in a dainty kimono and ethereal cap to correspond." This odd costume, we are kssured, is also permissible when two or three guests are present. In it "a lady has an opportunity of showing her braided hair. It falls in two exquisite plaits below the luxe cap." "This form of weglige," we are warned, is only suitable "to a youngish person." Serious elderly students will feel a great sense of relief on coming to this sentence. A little further on we find a really helpful suggestion, only too shortly put and too little elaborated. Mrs. Delano has known, she says, "people in society who owed everything to a sort of permanent lady governess. No doubt many of gentle birth would be glad of a billet of the kind." What a treasure such a person might be! Those who had each a one always about them would hardly need a book at all to tell them how to behave. She might help them over some of the really trying situations to which our author makes allusion. Unfortunately, it is not till nearly the end of the book that the governess expedient is mentioned, and the author turns from her at once to deal
with a simple situation wherein so accomplished a person would hardly be necessary. In the very next line elementary precepts are laid down. "To make audible personal remarks is quite unpardonable," we read. Even a temporary gover- ness not highly connected could tell one that. But for such a situation as the following exceptional tuition would seem indispensable—for those, we mean, who have not enjoyed for long the highest social advantages. "When anything occurs which is considered unseemly amongst your guests, avoid any fuss, but break up the party at once." Is it suffragette out, rages or elopements that the author has in view P We have been warned already that "no one is ever too old to be talked about "—a sentence which creates an atmosphere sparkling with seandaL It must be elopements. But perhaps she means something much lees serious. Possibly she is only alluding to drink. We are told never to take any notice of a proposal which is not made in the morning, which looks as if alcoholic poisoning must be reckoned with. Whatever form the unseem- liness might take, it would, however, be a work of great delicacy to break the party up at once. If this book is intended for beginners, we fear it is over their heads.
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