Tortuosity in Rhyme

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 434:. Report by Allan M. Laing

Competitors here given examples of far-fetched rhymes by Robert Browning and asked to submit 12 lines (or less) of verse using similar complicated and ingenious rhymes.

MR. R. KENNARD DAVIS began one of his entries : Then every Conservative prophet of woe shall list Dear Mr. Laing, what on earth made you wish us Horrors to come, if you vote for a Socialist, competitors judged that they might compete Day in disgust at that pestilent Liberal!

they came far short of prize-winning standard. eight, abuse of the intensive R. Eye-rhymes were At specious designs for improving our franchise.

attempted and promptly disqualified. Rhyming ingenuity was often spoiled by reliance on assonance—`cosmogony' is not a rhyme for 'dog on me'; and in many cases only single syllables Were rhymed when, obviously in this contest, double, treble and even quadruple rhymes were expected. Nevertheless, even among the non- winners, amusing effects were obtained—with, for instance. Copernicus—fur knickers; inertia= Gercher ! ; and absolutism—je m'enfoutisme. For various reasons, which space does not per- mit me to specify, I commend the entries of J. W. .,,.1cFeeters, T. E. Hendrie, W. K. Holmes, G. H. baxter, Cymraes, Major W. R. Brockland, Guy Kendall, Anon (Sheffield), P. M., R. Till and D. P. Michael. As for the winners, I suggest 25s. ,each for R. Kennard Davis's second entry, Bar- bara Roe, Gloria Prince and J. A. Lindon; and '3s. each to Miss D. F. Bushell and R. A. McKen- zie. Runners-up : E. F. Choppen and A. M. Sayers.

PRIZES

(It. KENNARD DAVIS) A POLITICAL DIATRIBE

The man who is prudent, to stick out his neck shuns ''hen partisan feelings run high at elections;

(BARBARA ROE) EXTRACTS FROM A DIARY FOUND NEAR CAMELOT

This mirror business is the sheerest lunacy.

I'm sick to death of it, and l'd far sooner see real flesh and blood—for instance that Sir Lancelot.

From what I hear, those damn girls seem to glance

a lot in his direction when he goes to Camelot,

damn them all—well, what if I do say 'damn' a lot?

Anyone would if turned into a pessimist by constant peering through a sort of messy mist. I wish my own superior charms could hit his eyes!

Oh, here he comes. Well, nobody could criticise

the way he puts across that tirra-lirra stuff. I'll risk a squint—let's hope this cursed mirror's tough.

(GLORIA PRINCE) CELEBRATED HORSES

Start with Don Quixote's poor old Rosinante, Linked at his best with lope (not prefixed 'ante' l), Then Alexander's mount, Bucephalus (Shoomp, or de saffidge prute vill letlfel us!) Now lead (continuing our ballad) in The Earl of Warwick's horse, Black Saladin; Black Bess? Not worth the rhyme. Then Rosabelle The Queen of Scots' old palfrey was a belle! Next, unless Brewer (of Phrase and Fable) 's fibbed, is Chosroes the Second of Persia's fleet-foot Shibdiz; Sleipnir, and Pegasus, and grim Hrimfaxi (Norse Horse of Night)—oh, bust 'em ! Hi there! TAXII

(1. A. LINDON)

PET •

What's that? You've never heard of a Chlarnydo- phot e ?

(Time was when I'd never heard of Mohammed afore !) It's just a kind of pygmy armadillo— Clothes rarely fit them : mine's pyjama'd ill—oh Bother the need to rhyme! It came from Derek, a Clerical friend of mine in South America, Who said he was sure_I'd not be incommoded, he Declared it was smallest of all the Dasypodidor, Being but five inches long! The Pichiciago Would go in that cloth for wiping snitches lago So boldly used! Caught, those that can't bunk hate us, Poor things! Full name: Chlamyphorus truncates.

(MISS D. F. BUSHELL)

Hasten, 0 Clio, as one who delay shuns, Help us to praise our more distant relations. Sweetly and sadly the music flows o'er us— Names of our lost ones—Ah, ichthyosaurus! Ali. pterodactyl ! Mellifluous mastodon! Theme for a poet to turn out a vast ode on!

Why should a dryad detain—though but mythic—us, We who could sing of a real dryopithecus? To strains yet more varied, 0 Muse, now direct us; First, to praise Pithecanthropus Erectus; ' Next. mourn the day when, as lord of our planet, he Yielded his sceptre to upstart humanity !

(R. A. MCKENZIE) MOUNTAINS

Let us begin with Popocatepetl

And Kilimanjaro (Though it you need to stop a cat, a petal May—silly man!—jar, 0!) Then mount the icy slopes of Vatnajokull, Or Kanchenjunga

(I might have climbed them once : not fat an' a yokel,

But stanch and younger !); Well, time will take his toll I There's Karakoram, And Kuh-i-Taftan. . . .

Now I must fly from airfield barrack o'er 'em—

I do it often!