A Cabinet of Heroes

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 273 Report by W. Norman Dixon

A prize of f5 was offered for a list of ten posts in a modern Cabinet filled by heroes of Greek story, with a few words in explanation of each choice.

CERTAIN entries (in particular the puns of H. F. Macdonald) were reluctantly rejected because they did not comply with the con- ditions of the competition, using historical characters, and not heroes of Greek story.

Out of a mass of similar ideas I particu- larly liked the following:

MINISTER OF LABOUR.-Sisyphus : for his pro- found personal knowledge of the human problems raised by repetitive work. (M. L. C.) MINISTER OF INFORMATION.-Echo: a cynical appointment by the Prime Minister.

(ROBIN A. HENDERSON.) MINISTER OF TRANSPORT.-Charon : has vast experience of the underground passenger transport, and one-way traffic.

(R. KENNARD DAVIS.) POSTMASTER-GENERAL.-Stent0f, who acquired a monopoly of broadcasting outside Troy. (R. L. STURCH.) CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER,-Ganymede : the Butler of the Gods. (N. HODGSON.) MINISTER OF LABOUR.-Penelope : knows all about restrictive practices in industry,

(GRANVILLE. GARLEY.)

DUCHY of LANCASTER. - Orpheus ; any Government needs one good lyre.

(REV. J. P.' STEVENSON.)

The above are all commended, but two or three successes out of ten do not seem to be sufficient for the prize, and therefore £3 is awarded to Miss D. F. Bushell, and I each to Guy Kendall and Sir John Craig for entries which do not perhaps suggest such brilliant single appointments but main tain a good standard throughout. Com mended in this respect are Heather Vinehani and Finlay P. Murdoch.

PRIZES

(MISS D. F. BUSHELL)

PRIME MINISTER : Agamemnon (survived for ten years as commander of an army whose members were all certain that they could do his job better themselves).

FOREIGN SECRETARY : Odysseus (widely travelled-never attempts to use any lan- guage but his own-handles facts with creative imagination rather than uninspired veracity).

LORD CHANCELLOR: Paris (skilled in giving rulings in disputes of a particularly delicate nature).

CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER: Midas (Fort Knox would soon look silly).

HOME SECRETARY: Menelaus (must have some job or the PM's feelings will be hurt).

SECRETARY OF STATE FOR THE COLONIES

Triptolemus (has displayed unwearied readi- ness to make air journeys and carry the bless ings of progress to under-privileged races)

MINISTER OF LABOUR: HeraeleS (would be able to begin his speeches with the disarming phrase 'As a Labour-ing man myself . . .').

MINISTER OF HOUSING: Daedalus (his remarks able designs for the Labyrinth show that he is no hidebound traditionalist).

MINISTER OF EDUCATION : Chiron (his Old Boys have remarkable records, and he appreciates the importance of school meals).

MINISTER WITHOUT PORTFOLIO: CEdipus (for complex reasons).

(GUY KENDALL)

PRIME MINISTER : Nestor (because that post needs the experience of three parliamentary generations and he would know 'what Mr. Gladstone said in 1870').

CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER: Theseus (because with the help of Ariadne as Par liamentary Sec.. he would unravel the labyrinth of finance). FOREIGN AFFAIRS: Ulysses (because lie had seen the ways of many nations and knew their mentality'). MINISTRY OF HEALTH: Medea (because her knowledge of drugs was unique). LORD PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL: /Eneas (because he was a dull fellow, but a place had to be found for him where he could do no harm).

ADMIRALTY : Jason (because of the experience gathered on his cruise in HMS Argo). HOME AFFAIRS Paris (on the principle of 'set a thief to catch a thief').

ATTORNEY-GENERAL: Hector (because much of his time will be occupied in the Criminal Courts hectoring defending Counsel). • MINISTRY OF EDUCATION: Chiron the Centaur (because he brought up the Argonauts and had so much horse-sense).

MINISTRY OF LABOUR : Sisyphus (because roll- ing that stone uphill made him an expert in industrial troubles).

(SIR JOHN CRAIG)

PRIME MINISTER: Menelaus, the loud-voiced, the leader of the host.

FOREIGN AFFAIRS:' Odysseus, deep in wiles, who knew many cities and lands. LORD PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL : 'Since he is minister for scientific departments, Ajax, experimenter with electrical forces.

LORD CHANCELLOR Thespius, who gave fifty

beautiful girls away. .

CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER: Autolycus, the greatest robber in-Greece. HOUSING: Amphion, who built a city with the twanging of a. lyre.

AGRICULTURE AND FOOD: Cadmus, who sowed dragon's teeth on the down and raised armed

men.

DEFENCE: EninWHICUS-Britain always pre- pares for the past war.

CristmoNwEALTri RELATIONS: Daedalus-he in- vented labyrinths.

BOARD OF TRADE: Procrustes, to curtail our superfluities and lengthen our shortages.