YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

Dear Mary.. .

MY son's fourth birthday party looms and Me problem with party bags. I think that today's children have too many toys' and, in Liv case, I am reluctant to shell out a fiver Per PartY bag full of 'goodies' since each c81°,°dY' seems to cost at least £1.50. With 20 ucitell corning this would add L100 to the f &Li (already L70 for the entertainer and £50 the food). My anti-consumerist stance b'c'es not wash well with my son who wants to 2 461Vethe same as his friends. 'Their parents all out „ Party bags,' he whines. How can I getof this without seeming mean? J.K, Chippenham, Wiltshire Iirt. 'I' Our stance is correct. The whole cur- deenucij, of small children's toys has been el,-,Zued by the excess available in all toy a'°ards, to say nothing of the free grot Zailable to purchasers of McDonald's ifillpPY Meals. It is currently fashionable to n 1113 Party bags with the tea-party left- Zkes cake, chocolate Rice-Krispie , cold sausages and the like — each tvaT Ivtanped in some paper napkin. In this th parent has the satisfaction of killing birds with one stone. You give a 'pre- Yon recycle waste and you make an yo -"tic statement on overt consumption. u can still give a balloon as well.

Q' -111 I on e ate Dame Barbara Cartland passed - manyuseful tips on correct behaviour during her lifetime. But is there any way in which I can be reminded of the essential points? H.M.M., London W2 A. Indeed. Luckily she has committed these essential points to verse. Let me quote a poem from Dame Barbara's own Book of Etiquette. It was written in the 1970s but the tenets still hold true.

The Social Code

Society through the centuries Has evolved a social code Not written down but handed down From the time we all wore woad.

For those who think they have blue blood There are rules of what to do; The penalty of ignoring them Is to be told — 'you're just non-u'.

So don't say `cheers' when you have a drink Or hold your knife like a pen, 'Pardon's' a word which should never be heard `Perfume' does not entice men.

Never `phone' for a taxi 'To take you up to town'.

Don't put clean wine glasses On a cocktail tray — upside down.

Don't eat asparagus with a fork Or put the milk in first, Don't ask your guest to `have a gin' When he has a thirst.

Don't write to me on `notepaper'

Or send me a 'photo', please, Don't put `née' in the births and deaths Or use pretty lace doilies.

Don't ask the way to `the toilet', dear, Or use a `serviette'.

Men don't enter a restaurant first Or perspire at the bill they get.

Don't have a `lounge' in your lovely 'home' Or open the 'bubbly' with glee.

Don't have gold-tipped party cards Or use little forks at tea.

You can do all these things if you wish, And it doesn't matter a damn, But they label you neatly as what you are Like a pickled-herring can.

Mary Killen