YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q• We have recently moved to a new vil- lage where my father is referred to as `Chris' by most residents. I find this abbreviation extremely irritating as he is not the 'Chris' sort and none of his friends or family call him Chris. However, for some reason the whole village has adopt- ed this shortened version of his name. What can I do to correct this before it is too late?
Name and address withheld A. Let's say your father's name is Christo- pher Black. Next time you hear someone refer to him as Chris in your presence you should look quickly behind you, then wob- ble your head in puzzlement for a moment before saying, 'Gosh. Whenever somebody says "Chris" I always think that my father's cousin Chris Black must have just walked into the room. Our family always calls Dad Christopher to distinguish him from his cousin.' Your father too can adopt the same head-wobbling technique. Follow matters up by arranging some pretext for your father to give an interview to the local newspaper wherein the reporter can be
Dear Mary. .
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manipulated to write something along the lines of 'Mr Black, always known as Christopher to distinguish him from his cousin Chris Black, has decided not to go ahead with growing marrows in the one- acre field this year. "Marrows are already plentiful in the area," says Christopher Black, "so I have decided to think of anoth- er use to put the acre to." ' Q. I am 17 and I have a very pretty and witty girlfriend. When I introduced her to my family (several brothers and sisters and a widowed mother) it seemed to go very well; they liked her a lot. Afterwards she showed me a hideous caricature she had made of them and expected me to be amused. I pretended to be. I am very unhappy about this and cannot put it behind me. What can I do about this?
Name and address withheld A. Be delighted that your witty girlfriend has paid you such a compliment. Her action demonstrates more eloquently than words the depth of her affection towards you and your whole 'set-up'.
Q. Thank you so much for your advice on how to combat what you refer to as tut- tockal pegging'. The use of this and other such phrases suggests to me that you are searching for a term for this condition which affects both men and ladies so fre- quently. In my circle it has for years been called 'having a humphrey'. I trust that you and your readers will find this term useful in the future.
A.H. Lewes, Sussex A. Thank you for your letter but I am afraid I do not share your enthusiasm for this dis- tasteful expression.
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