Rote Rite

Given a childhood history cram in verse form, competitors were invited to provide a similar aide-mdmoire that might have a place in a world of adults.

THE standard of entries for this competition was, I am sorry to say, regrettably low. It is fortunate, perhaps, that this sort of thing does not lend itself to an xsthetic report; after eliminating the plagiarisms, as far as they were recognised, the remaining entries fell into two main groups—severely voca- tional and generally useful. Since I called for an aide-memoire no entry has been penalised on the grounds that it was not a mnemonic.

In the vocational group an entry from Pibwob was spoiled by nearly thirty lines of very necessary explanatory notes. R. A. McKenzie's verse drifted into a tongue- twister. These two were typical : both had a solid foundation which remained solid. So many familiar names and so little talent!

The 'useful' verses covered a very wide range of subjects and, indeed, the subject matter had a bearing on my final decision. One competitor submitted a reminder(?) that did nothing more than draw attention to the petrol shortage. Grrrr ! Eileen Tullbch developed her own Threepenny Opera in four lines of instruction on how to use a call-box telephone—bags of talent but a poor subject. Miss N. H. Steed and Mrs. Agnes Kennett, dealing with farming and dress respectively, came as far as the last half-dozen or so; I just could not accept the rhyming of 'perennials' with 'annuals' or lie' with 'hosiery.'

And then out of the bag came a verse from T. H. Blench. Straight away I must say that it did not measure up to the standard of the prizewinners but it was not without merit; it was the footnote that intrigued me—it expressed the view that a prize of threepence would suffice. I have already posted this minor award in the spirit of the season, but 1 am very curious to learn the reason behind the request. A modest bet? (This type of award ceases as from today. Competitors and adjudicators please note.)

A guinea and a half to D. R. Peddy for his new entrant's guide to the Civil Service, another guinea and a half to P, W. R. Foot for a similar guide to the other Underworld and one guinea each to S. M. Groves, Commander G. W. S. Childs and J. A. Lindon.

PRIZES (D. R. PEDDY) THE CIVIL SERVICE If in Whitehall's maze one treads, Secs rear up their ugly heads— Perm., Dep., Under and Assistant Are the highest and most distant. Principals of lesser birth, Come more closely down to earth. If you're still a mite perplexed, The Executives come next; But if AcrioN you require, Try the Clericals—no higher!

(E. W. R. FOOT) AN AIDE-MEMOIRE FOR SOMEONE FROM THE PROVINCES

B for Bakerloo, south to the Elephant, It passes through Kilburn and all stations relevant.

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C for the Central, for shopping and stores, Or go to the east where the great city roars.

D for the District from eastern Upminster, If bound for the Gasworks get out at Westminster.

M for the Met. whose speed is a treat, A useful connection for Liverpool Street.

N is for Northern which passes through Strand, A good line to take for Theatre Land. P for Piccadilly, for lights and Eros, Or change to the Northern and go to King's

Cross.

(S. M. GROVES) To a pint two spoonfuls may go Ground rice, Tapi, Sem, or Sago; Rice and Barley will need more, Cornflour sets too stiff with four. To make a pudding fairly large, Use eight of flour to four of marge, But if it's only just for two, Half this quantity will do. For things that grow above the soil First let your water swiftly boil, But not when they grow underground. Joints, twenty minutes to the pound.

(COMMANDER G. W. S. CHILDS) Money, baccy, passport, skis, Stop milk and baker, pay school fees. Elastoplast and liniment, Turn off gas and pay the rent. Pay Income Tax if they demand it, Make sure the overdraft will stand if. Reservations, travellers' cheques (De minimis non curat lex), Say a prayer for lots of snow, Lock the door and off we go.

(I. A. LINDON)

BEETHOVEN'S NAMED PIANO SONATAS First, the Pathetique, For when you feel a martyr;

Then the rather weak Old Moonlight Serenata;

Waldstein, at his peak, With twin Appassionata; Programmatic freak, Les Adieux—for departer;

Lastly, that unique And cerebral toccata, Tester of technique, Hammerklavier Sonata.