Squashing Mercouri
Sir: Whilst having no wish to protract ad nauseam the debate on the return of the Elgin Marbles, I cannot resist suggesting a possible solution to this absurd situation. Although agreeing with every sentence of Gavin Stamp's superlative article ('Keeping our Marbles', 10 December), should we ever consent to the return of the Marbles, we ought to do so on our own terms. Since Melina Mercouri's voice has been the most strident in the clamour for the return of the
Marbles, it would be appropriate for them to be delivered to her personally. I would suggest the following method. La Mercouri would await the arrival of the Marbles on the Acropolis in the position of her choice, supine or standing, but immobilised. The Marbles, suspended ten feet or so above her from a helicopter, would then be dropped directly upon her. They would sustain no serious damage, as stringent precautions would have been taken to absorb the shock. The effect on Miss Mercouri of their rapid descent would one hopes be as intended. The Marbles would then have been derisively returned to a people who are not only unworthy of them but who, as Stamp says, have nothing in common ethnically or culturally with the genius who sculpted them.
Lord Londonderry
Wynyard Park, Billingham, Cleveland
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