SPECTATOR COMPETITION No.
Report by Daniel Farson A prize of £5 was offered for a letter applying for admission to college at Oxford or Cambridge from one of the following, stating hr they now feel the need for a university education : A neurin evan, Sidney Stanley, Winston Churchill, Danny Kaye, Noel ward, Lord Nuffield.
There was a streak of snobbishness running through most of the ntries and, unfortunately, a lack of ingenuity. Many took the ompetition far too seriously, and though there were amusing ssages very few entries had a consistently high standard. Oxford as overwhelmingly the most popular university, and Sidney Stanley as thz favourite applicant, closely followed by Aneurin Bevan, ho was dealt with in an unsympathetic manner. Churchill was ext and Coward, Kaye and Nuffield all far behind.
No one took the line of " I apply for admission to your college r else " with Lord Nuffield, but S. Gibson gave the convincing asons: " ... to learn at leisure, to be free of money-making, to live
n two rooms, to talk and play with the young, and to ride a [cycle."
A number of entries captured the. Churchillian style, but were ncharacteristically dull. Passages I liked were: " I have seen ynasties pass and Empires fall. I have had the honour of presiding ver the destinies of a great and brave Nation at a supreme crisis ri her history. The one experience which Fate has denied me trust I may now anticipate ' (unsigned) and : " It would give me reat personal pleasure not to be obliged to write that ignominious 'ord ' Honorary ' beside the designations of the degrees so raciously bestowed upon me to date " (Kathleen Reed) William Spafford was the only Bevan applicant to take advantage f the Welsh language, and it is a pity that the rest of the letter as not up to the following opening : " Allow me to confide in you.
H my life I have suffered from the handicap of an unquenchable nferiority complex. When I was young it was the gentry, with heir grand ways and hard faces ; I used to run along behind them, nd longed to stick a pin into their rich over-bearing bottoms ; oh, ow I hated them, worse than vermin I did ! " N. Hodgson gave the eason : " I wish to read medicine and so qualify for membership f the B.M.A. In this way I hope to find an answer to the question vhich has long puzzled me—why the B.M.A. dots not love me." several cases Bevan made it plain that he would have to decline wear cap and gown.
Noel Coward wished to join King's College, Cambridge, because I possess as an artiste a rather intense feeling for the importance f the right background. Socially as well as aesthetically I think Mg's will suit me. I have always madly adored the architecture f your college chapel."
The Stanley entries were the best. One application, by Pauline illis, chose Sidney Sussex college " as it has a name very similar o my own. . . . Perhaps at the end of my studies you may feel Relined to change the name of your college to ' Sidney Stanley.' will make it worth your while, you may rest assured, and the hange will, I guarantee, be to our mutual advantage." Provan Murray after an initial: " I am surprised and hurt that you do of remember me " gave the intended foundation of a University f Israel as a reason. E. A. C. Evans' entry was in the following style: ". . I commenced enquiries and found you got all these ifferent colleges and how was Ito know which had the most culture but my pals told me to write to you because they said Balliol ollege was a fine broadminded college and getting students from II over even niggers but I don't mind being a cosmopolitan besides n Englishman so I'd be much obliged to be taken as a student at your college and could probably put your goodself in the way of a little something in return you know what I mean. . . ."
I consider R. S. Stanier's application has the most consistently high standard.
PRIZE WINNER (R. S. STANIER) Th.:: Provost, King's College, Cambridge.
DEAR MR. PROVOST,—I expect you've been wondering where that case of Whisky came from. Well, I'd like you just to look on it as a tribute to your wonderful choir and think no more about it. I'm really writing to ask you to put my name down for entry next year. I've been thinking for some time I ought to have a degree. There's so much riff-raff about fly business. And besides that, I've been living toq much in the
28 present. I could use a bit of history. You and I know there were some pretty smart men among those Greeks (still are, for that matter).
Of course I've been offered honorary degrees, but, as I said to the Vice-Chancellor of Oxford, it wouldn't mean the same to me if I hadn't worked for it. Anyway Oxford's nothing like so select as it was. Of course l'd start at the bottom with mensa and work my way up (you can't keep a good man down). And don't tell me you're hard to get into—it's King's or nothing for me (you can't keep a good man out either).
To show I mean business I enclose a post-dated mortgage on a stocking factory in Walthamstow, endorsed by Lord Nuffield, entitling you to draw on up to 50 per cent. of the gross receipts if any time I default on my fees.—Yours very sincerely, SIDNEY STANLEY.
P.S.—If you ever want an introduction to Lord N. of course you've only to say the word.
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