VOX PUB II

In which Andrew Gimson gets a smack on the ear in a bar in Cheltenham

The second Vox Pub report is from Chel- tenham, a Conservative seat the Liberal Democrats hope to win.

PETER'S BAR is in Montpellier Street, in the middle of Cheltenham. The first man I met there was a Liberal Democrat. He was friendly, but seemed quite unable to talk candidly about Cheltenham's politics.

I soon found this was because the Liber- als expect to win Cheltenham, but for a reason they find highly embarrassing. John Taylor, the candidate the Conservatives have chosen to succeed Sir Charles Irving (a local man whom everyone agrees to have been 'a superb constituency MP'), is black.

The second man I met, who was aged about 40, was in no doubt at all about the folly of this choice.

'In Cheltenham it's a foregone conclu- sion,' he said. 'Nigel Jones for the Liberals is going to win it.'

'Why?'

'Because they're not going to vote for a f—ing nigger. You can put it down and I'll put my name to it. I'm not going to vote for a f—ing nigger. That man does not belong to this town and unfortunately he's going to lose us this f—ing seat. I'm absolutely adamant about this and if you want me to repeat it I will. If you ask me about it tomorrow morning I'll say the same.' 'Are you a Conservative?'

'Since birth.'

'How many Conservatives in Cheltenham think like you?'

'I will tell you: conservatively 30 per cent. I'm not going to vote at all because I won't vote for that black bastard.'

One reason why this reply upset me was that last week Vox Pub found the Irish in Kilburn intend to vote against Ken Living- stone for racial reasons, and I did not want to write a racial story two weeks running. I had arrived in Cheltenham hoping to report that race was not a major issue: a hope which now looked naïve.

'You may quote me,' the man reiterated. 'I don't care if someone wants to nick me for calling someone a nigger. Here's my card.'

I moved along the bar and fell into con- versation with a 34-year-old property devel- oper. He objected to the way John Major had 'giggled' during the Budget: 'It's a schoolboy attitude to running the country.'

Like the others, he predicted a Liberal victory in Cheltenham. 'What's the point of having a candidate who's black in a town which doesn't even have a black minority?'

'Well .. ' I began.

'You see, the local Conservatives are very under the reins of Central Office, which wants to get a black man in and get him into the Cabinet.' This theory is quite widely believed. The crassness with which Central Office has acted on other occasions lends it a certain plausibility.

'People think Cheltenham is a little hick town in the middle of good old Glouces- tershire,' the property developer com- plained, changing tack.

'What is it?'

'A Cotswold metropolis. It's known as a Regency town but basically it's a fairly modern town' — and he began listing the famous companies which have relocated to Cheltenham.

The next man I spoke to was an unem- ployed, 53-year-old painter and decorator.

'You see a lot of police during the day and nothing at night,' he complained. The whole crux of the situation here is law and order. You've got four or five gangs.'

'Gangs?'

'All right, they're not gangs but they're heavy. They're expert in shoplifting. Get away with it every time. People think that Cheltenham is a nice little spa town where little old ladies live. It is a dangerous town at night. But you can get picked up for not wearing a seat-belt at 8.30 on a Sunday morning.'

'The election. . . ?' I hazarded.

'If I'd more confidence in the Conserva- tive Party I'd vote for Mr Taylor. I'm not racist. I feel sorry for the guy. No way am I voting regarding his colour.'

'What's wrong with the Conservative Party?'

'Major is being a weakling. I wish Major would tell someone to f— off.

'Heseltine I love. He gets up and tells them to piss off. People do like a little hero and Major is not a hero. He has this wanly, wanky, wanky voice. I back Major, but the way I look at it, he ain't going to win it.'

I went across the road to another bar. Before I could buttonhole anyone, a youth buttonholed me.

'As a black man, obviously you'd like to have my views,' he said. 'Regarding Chel- tenham, I've got a lot of friends who're middle- to upper-class and I've also got one friend whose mother's a Conservative and she's going to vote Liberal. A lot of Tory votes are going to be lost. I honestly believe that if John Taylor is elected, he'll become the first black Cabinet minister. As a black man, I'd say he's been groomed to be a white black man. He's been brought up in white surroundings. He don't talk black. This is a prime example of how they want a black man to be. I'm going to vote Labour.'

In 1987, the Conservative majority over the Liberals was 4,896, more than the total Labour vote, so he cheerfully admitted his vote would be wasted.

Turning to the girl next to me, one of a group of five, I asked her how she would vote.

`I'm only 15,' she said.

There was a loud smack as someone hit both my ears with his hands. I turned round and saw another youth standing a yard or two away.

'You didn't get the rub,' the black man said, showing what he meant by pretend- ing to rub his hands against my ears. 'If you get the rub afterwards you go deaf.'

As I could still hear, I hoped my ears were all right.

'Three people in the town have gone deaf already,' he added.

I went over to the other youth and asked him why he'd hit me.

'It's just a joke, in nit.'

'Oh.'

'It's a craze, innit.' Apparently it was to do with an ad on the telly. I felt about as in touch as a High Court judge, but sup- posed he might have hit me because I'd barged in and started talking to the girls. I went back and bought them some drinks. They weren't particularly interested in pol- itics, but one asked which party would do most for single mothers.

Another youth, a 20-year-old unem- ployed carpenter, came up and asked me how I was going to vote. I said I was a Tory who intended to vote Labour.

This displeased him. 'If labour gets in, I'm going to go and live in Germany. They're a load of wankers. I'm not going to let a Welsh c— govern me.'

Did he mind that the Conservative can- didate was black?

'I do mind. I'm a racist but I'd rather vote for him than let Labour in. I'm a nationalist and John Taylor's British first and black second.'

Nevertheless the Conservative Party seems to have over-reached itself by choosing a black candidate for Chel- tenham. Spending vast sums on conven- tional opinion polls, and spurning the more cost-effective methods used by Vox Pub, its leaders perhaps forgot that some of their supporters are unabashed racists.

If proportional representation were introduced in Britain, it is likely that a new, racist party would emerge, dedicated to expressing the racist views of these vot- ers more forcefully. In this respect, PR would undoubtedly, as its enthusiasts assure us, be more democratic.

• h always makes me nervous when they play soothing music.'