High life
Loser takes all
Taki
Back in the good old days when I gam- bled to make ends meet, losing had certain consolations. For example, girls — women, rather. Any big loser in any French casino could have the pick of the crop, compli- ments of the house. Food and drink ditto, as well as a suite of rooms. This was the system in French casinos. Las Vegas, a place I've never been to and never will, went a step further. They attracted big pun-
ters by discounting 10 to 15 per cent of the losses. In other words, if one lost 100 grand, one paid 90 or 85. Las Vegas also flew punters in first class, and very big pun- ters got private jets. Monte Carib was known as the casino with a heart. This was because the SBM, the company that ran the casino, would give free room and board to certain people who had lost everything until the end of their days. Or so rumour had it. When Onassis bought the company he allowed certain Greeks to live out their days for free. Winston Churchill also got a free ride, as well as Greta Garbo. And once, even Taki.
The only country in the world that legis- lated against such practices was England.
The reason was simple. The English had to be protected from the evils of gambling. How to do it? Easy. First of all by banning drinking. Dutch courage is a gambler's greatest friend. Second, no women. Show me a man who likes to gamble and I'll show you a philanderer. Third, no credit. Nine times out of ten the big loss is incurred by the punter who is playing on credit.
So far so good. The only trouble was that by the time these laws went into effect, they were protecting an extinct species.
Aspinall had more or less wiped out the flower of British aristocracy, and what was left was born under a bluer sky than that of England, i.e. the Arabs, the Japanese and the Indonesians. And, of course, the Chi- nese of Hong Kong.
If one takes into account that 30 per cent of the drop goes straight into the Treasury, the people who thought out these laws should either be jailed for criminal stupidi- ty or be committed. The laws are protect- ing the Middle East arms dealer, the South American drug king and the Oriental entrepreneur. Only 9 per cent of the drop is British.
Mind you, when I heard that the Ritz and other casinos were being threatened with closure by the Gaming Board, I did not exactly break down and cry, because of my buddy Aspinall. His casino is opening some time in September, and the less com- petition he has the better. The funny thing is that Aspers, who used to soak us in booze when it was legal, has never even come close to breaking the law, which the casinos under investigation are now sus- pected of doing. The story has even caused rumours that the fairer sex was involved. Horror of horrors. No wonder this country is going to the proverbial dogs.
But here's a proposal. Let casinos offer women, wine and free hotel rooms, even discounts, and in return prohibit British subjects from gambling. This is the law in Greece. Take 50 per cent of the take. The only people who might get hurt will be those camel-drivers we went to war for. What is in it for me? If the law is passed, it would allow the poor little Greek boy to have free access to the casino hookers.
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