Cable Talk

The Cable and Wireless EFM service provides for the transmission of certain set phrases, e.g. I am fit and well," "I have been commissioned," "Twins born," etc., by code numbers on cables to and from persons in other parts of the world. Competitors were invited to devise six additional set phrases for inclusion on cables to and from those who have ventured beyond the Iron Curtain into the Foreign Legion, into Ruritania, into inter-stellar space, or into the twenty-first century.

This was not, I fear, a particularly good entry. As with so many competitions which call for a number of disconnected phrases, it was difficult to find lists that were uniformly good; curates' eggs were rather the order of the day. Selections of the best in each cate- gory (other than the Foreign Legion, which produced uninspired material) are given below:

BEYOND THE IRON CURTAIN

Glad to get away from—

(vicious capitalist exploitation) (decadent bourgeois humour) (weekend competitions) (Erica Scott.)

Say something if only goodbye.

(John Brown.) Feet sore: too many National Anthems. (Granville Garley.) I am in love with the Queen, God help me! (Allan M. Laing.) INTER-STELLAR SPACE 444—Expect me home next week. 555—Cancel 444 999—Help! (W. Bernard Wake.) Advise later expeditions to fire slightly to the left. (J. P. Mullarky.) Einstein was right. (H. A. C. Evans.) Future cables cio Central Zoo, Mars.

(D. L. L. Clarke.)

TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

I have passed the Competitive Examination for the Peerage. (Colin Prestige.) Please send Birth Certificate urgently.

(James Reeve.) Everything has been said on the subject.

(Pat Bullen.) I have received my Post-War Credit.

(R. M. Anthony.) Have visited the Moon; the self-governing convict communities are purposeful and contented. (Rev. J. P. Stevenson.) I recommend a first prize of £2 10s. to Vedette, and second prizes of El 5s. each to Douglas Howson and William Evans. Runners-up are R. B. Browning, Barbara Rickard, W. Bernard Wake, J. P. Mullarlcy and D. L. L. Clarke.

PRIZES (VEDETTE) To the Twenty-First Century

I always said there was no future in it. What won next year's Derby?

You haven't answered my question. From the Twenty-First Century Don't worry; it has never happened. When you're older you'll understand. How do you mean, ideological?

(DOUGLAS FrAwSON) (WILLIAM EVANS) Messages from the Twenty-First Century Sell oil shares.

Don't wait for Colour TV—buy now.

Join the CP immediately.

Blank's pictures are forgotten.

Send food.

I have given up smoking.

COMMENDED (R. B. BROWNING) From Beyond the Iron Curtain

Pravda is stranger thatvfiction. Require copy of Das Kapital.

Have bought fine Russian mink coat. Always write,to Comrade Browning. Am going a long journey.

Send quickly detailed map Siberia.

Set Phrases for Inclusion on Cables to and from Ruritania

My false beard is very comfortable. Did you remember Crown Jewels? Greetings for your fifth coronation. Arriving cellar midnight. Riot went according to Plan. Received Ruritania's highest honour. Duet with Princess Olga foot of staircase, chorus of those loyal to the Cause. Brilliant spectacle. Home Tuesday.