COMPETITION

As you list

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1524 you were asked for a 'list poem'.

Lists in poetry certainly go back as far as Homer with his catalogue of ships. Brooke obviously fancied them, since his 'The Great Lover' contains a famous one begin- ning, 'These I have loved . . .', which some of you used as a springboard, though not all 'as swimmers into cleanness leaping'. Others were rash enough to make play with regular competition-winners' names. Be warned: Jaspistos tends to be anti- suggestible, though not utterly unpersuad- able, when it comes to the 'in' joke. My own favourite list is in prose not poetry. Turn to the first three pages of Chapter 4 of The Great Gatsby, , which is a roll-call of those who came to Gatsby's house in the summer of 1922, and if you can read it with a dry eye (which I can't) I've just less than half a mind to award you an unofficial fiver. It ends on a marvellous diminuendo:

. . and a prince of something, whom we all called Duke, and whose name, if I ever knew it, I have forgotten.'

There were good entries from Ron Jowker, Philip A. Nicholson, Paul Griffin and Martin Fagg. The prizewinners printed below get £12 apiece, and the last bonus bottle of White Horse Whisky, presented by United Distillers Group, our generous patrons over 12 weeks, falls into the obviously northern hands of Stanley. Shaw.

Consider the first who were Bagshaw and Bradshaw — Crawshaw and Briginshaw, too: Earnshaw, Gonshaw, Burtonshaw, Crenshaw, Kershaw, to name but a few.

Those ancestral English who settled in huts In the woods (i.e. shaws) of the shires, Where was plenty of dainties, like berries or nuts, And plenty of kindling for fires.

Blackshaw, Redshaw, Robertshaw — oh, Will the list of 'em ever be done? To one of these tribes, in the dim lung ago, My forebears belonged, but which one?

Was it Wilshaw, Weetshaw, Openshaw, Grimshaw?

The list is beginning to shrink.

Was it Henshaw or RenShaw or Fanshawe or Stanshawe?

(The last one, I'm tempted to think.)

(Stanley Shaw) The Beatles — moptopS gnnning from a rail; Then With the Beatles — student types, all pale And interesting, their faces set like flints;. Then Hard Day's Night, with joky contact

prints;

Beatles For Sale is next — a gatefold sleeve With wintry portrait of the boys; then we've The stylish semaphore of Help! and then It's Rubber Soul — bizarre, hallucinogen Inspired distortiOns; then Revolve' pen- And-ink embellished photo montage) and, YeS; Sergeant. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club

Band,

With satin-suited Ringo, George; John, Patil; The White Album (no sleeve.design at all) Comes next; then Abbey Road and Let It Be. Ah yes, it seems like yesterday to me.

(Peter Nornian) If I have a restless night. For amusement I recite Rhymes with town and village names (Much more fun than counting-games).

11 your kids should Messing be, Show them no Stoke Charity,. Give them each a Nether Wallop. Yelling? Give them More (in Salop)!

Are the folks who live in Beer Token tipplers, simply Mere Shadows of the men of Booze — Nasty, Ugley, Flash and Loose?

Feed me Ham and Christmas Pie, Set the Scales upon my Eye, Send me Snoring, Great and deep„ Gailey down the road to . . . Slepe.

(A. D. Gibbons) Remembering that place, I see again

Dark chanting goshawk, maribou, crowned crane,

The shrike from which the dusky turtle dove Fled for his life, the drongo and, above, Three black kites wheeling, quartering for prey; Then with its croaky call of 'Go away!' The children's joke, white-bellied turaco; The pratincole, the ostrich, the pied crow, And, running in the trees, that long-tailed clown The crested mousebird; hanging upside-down' The yellow weavers, sociable flocks, Threading their high-rise stacks of nests, like blocks Of flats; jacana; brown and white fish-eagle Hunting by Lake Naivasha, huge and regal; Nubian nightjar, ibis, guinea fowl, Goliath heron, mournful eagle owl.

(Gerard Benson) Old Wordsworth trampgd about the Lakes Surprising sheep in windy brakes, While Tennyson was fai more grand, And died with Shakespeare in his hand.

What test did Austin like to give?

'Why England Is Conservative'.

What myth had Bridges soon debunked?

That classic metre was defunct.

Though Masefield's now in poor esteem, His critics know his quinquireme, And C. Day-Lewis, by mistake, Is better known by far as Blake.

John Betjeman rang many bells, Loved Butterfield and busty gels.

Now sheep and goats may pay their dues To farm apologist, Ted Hughes. (Nigel Blewrell) Chaps who drive around in Porsches Are not f,amed for being cautious; Nor do speed restrictions please Sharp young lads in white Capris. Shirt-sleeved men in Cavaliers Hurtle on their sales careers; Always ready to outdare a Rival in a Ford Sierra.

Francophiles in 2CVs Buzz about like manic bees; Even little men in Hondas Always want to get beyond us. Whence this mad, unseemly pace? Where is patience? Where is grace? These rare traits almost define a Driver of a Morris Minor. (Noel Petty)