YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary..
Q. My husband's business has lost a small fortune this year and we have had to tight- en our belts as never before. Bulgarian Cabernet is now the only wine we can afford to buy and we have managed to train Our palates into savouring, even hankering aster, such dishes as mince, Shipham's crab spread, frozen Buxted chicken and tinned rice pudding. The problem is that I shop at Waitrose in Marlborough which is the Sloane Square of Wiltshire. A number of My husband's clients shop there, too, and I live in fear of meeting one of them at the check-out till. Were they to spot me with One of these repulsive loads they might put hvo and two together with all the damaging consequences for the business that their lack of confidence would bring. What should I do?
Name withheld, Pewsey A. Always enter Waitrose in a state of preparation for such an eventuality. Your bearing should remain confident and, should you be surprised with a load of repulsive foodstuffs in your trolley, you can make small talk about how long the shop- ping has taken you. 'My daily has slipped a disc and I'm doing her shopping for her. I
can't find any of the things she wants as I never normally buy them!' you can giggle brightly.
Q. One of my greatest anxieties, while trav- elling on a train or a plane, is that a lady will return to her seat from the loo with the back of her skirt inadvertently caught in her knickers. As a gentleman, is it my duty to inform her and risk embarrassing her before a large number of people? Or is it kinder to allow her to continue unawares? Anxious, Highgate A. The most efficient way of dealing with such an embarrassment is to come closely up behind the lady in question the minute
you spot her mistake, thus screening her from other passengers. Then say 'Excuse me, careful, sorry — you've got latched on to my cufflink. If you could just stand still a minute. . . ' As few women would fear assault in a crowded compartment, she will no doubt stand smiling humorously at fel- low passengers, while giving you the oppor- tunity to tamper with her dress, and restore it to a desirable state.
Q. I always think it's a shame that photo booths make one look so unattractive when one then has to keep the photo in one's passport or international driving licence for ten years. What do you suggest?
A.Q. W1 A. One way of making oneself look attrac- tive in a photo booth is to have the photo taken on a day when you are wearing a dark jacket or coat. Slide the horrific grey curtain to one side and hang the jacket or coat over the bar. You will find that a black background will make the subject of any booth photo look dramatically more attrac- tive.
Mary Killen
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