PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK
UNEXPLODED BOMB SCARE...
Sir Edward Heath and five other retired Cabinet ministers took the opportunity of the 50th anniversary of Winston Churchill's `United States of Europe' speech to beg the Prime Minister not to rule out membership of the single European currency. They later gained the approval of the Chancellor, Kenneth Clarke, who described as `pathet- ic' the policy of sitting on the fence while other European nations decided whether or not to go ahead with a single currency — a policy devised by his boss, Mr Major. Reported crimes in England and Wales rose by 0.4 per cent, the first increase in three years. Mrs Thatcher claimed it was all to do with the values of the 1960s. The European Court of Human Rights ruled that a gypsy could not set up home on a piece of land she had chosen in Cam- bridgeshire. The European Commission agreed that Britain could stop slaughtering cows while it examined a suggestion that mad cow disease will soon die out without the need for a cull. The Labour Party said it would stop paying child benefit to 16-18- year-olds. As the Liberal Democrats met in Brighton for their conference, one of its senior figures, Lord Rodgers, told dele- gates to vote Labour in marginal con- stituencies. Five suspected IRA terrorists and ten tons of explosives were seized in London; a further suspect died in hospital
after receiving gunshot wounds. Kevin Maxwell was told that he would not have to face a second trial on charges relating to improper dealings within his father Rob- ert's business empire. It was revealed that a Scottish Roman Catholic bishop who resigned after running off with a divorcee also has a 15-year-old son and had sold his story to a tabloid newspaper; nevertheless he was offered alternative employment as a parish priest. Anglican priests were issued a code of conduct to enable them to avoid sex scandals, which told them to avoid `hys- terical females'. A man attacked a woman in a park on Tyneside and began violently sucking her toes. A railway company was caught trying to sell cheap day returns from Aberystwyth to London which allowed visi- tors ten minutes in the capital.
PALESTINIAN youths threw stones and bottles at Israeli archaeologists who were trying to excavate beneath an ancient wall in Jerusalem which runs close to a mosque. The Republican candidate for the Ameri- can presidency, Robert Dole, fell off the stage while shaking hands with voters. Cali- fornia passed a law which would compel convicted child molesters to be injected with female hormones. An elderly Ameri- can heart surgeon flew to Moscow to advise doctors whether a `life-saving' operation
planned for President Yeltsin would be more likely to finish him off. His expected successor, Alexander Lebed, warned Ger- many against trying to build a 'fourth Reich'. Costas Simitis and his Pasok Party won the Greek general election. Twenty- one worshippers were shot dead in a mosque in Pakistan. It was announced that Pope John Paul H is to have his appendix removed. Italy's supreme court ruled that men are allowed to beat their wives as long as it is not part of `systematic violent con- duct'. The Queen Elizabeth II accidentally speared a whale off the Portuguese coast. America's National Rifle Association was said to be in deep financial crisis after a spate of resignations. Seven pounds of heroin were found aboard a plane which had just flown President Samper of Colom- bia home from making an anti-drugs speech in New York. French champagne producers said they were experimenting with a new `safety cork' which doesn't go pop. A total of 12,562 Taiwanese, including one aged 101, swam across a lake, appar- ently in an attempt to get themselves into the Guinness Book of Records. The new Miss South Africa, Peggy Sue Khumalo, was criticised by animal rights groups after sacrificing a goat to thank her ancestors' spirits for helping her be selected. The actress Dorothy Lamour died, aged 81. RJC
Previous page
