YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
. .
Dear Mary.
Q. I am a racehorse trainer and my Chris- tian name is James — or Jimmy, as many of my friends call me. However, following a recent run of successes on the race-course, journalists have been referring to me in Print as Jamie, my least favourite diminu- tive. I do not wish to appear ungrateful for the nice write-ups that followed these wins, so how can I tactfully put a stop to this Jamie business?
J.T., Newmarket A. Contact the Newmarket correspondents of the Racing Post and Sporting Life and ask them to spread the word that you have a cousin of the same surname and whose Christian name is Jamie. Say that your cousin is shortly to take up a position in Public life which may engender newspaper coverage. To avoid possible confusion, you therefore suggest that in future you be referred to in print as either James or Jimmy — 'the name by which I am known to many friends'.
Q. My father has recently been made a life Peer and I am wondering how I can best take advantage of my own new status as The Hon'. I understand it is wrong for me to be addressed as The Hon anywhere except on an envelope and I find this rather
depressing. Can you advise me on how to exploit the title more fully?
Name withheld, London A. You can ask your bank to put 'The Hon' on your cheque book. This is quite legiti- mate as it is in fact part of your official name now. You can always claim that 'the bank did it themselves' as many banks are quite beady about these things and do notice them. However, you can best announce your new status to the world by sitting on a committee for some charity ball or similar. You can then send out hundreds of letters to friends and acquaintances which will advise them to write to 'The Hon X X' with their donations or cheques for the purchase of tickets. Many `Hons' have postcards printed headed 'From The Hon So and So' and you, too, can have this done
on the pretext that you needed a quantity to facilitate the speedy reply to your charity correspondence.
Q. My wife-to-be and I are dreading our forthcoming wedding as one of the guests, whom we cannot get out of inviting, will be my obnoxious and aggressive brother, who is bound to get drunk even before coming to the reception, and behave badly in front of my future wife's father. He will be horri- fied that she is marrying into such a family. What should we do?
Name withheld A. Tell your father-in-law-to-be at the beginning of the reception that an awful thing has happened. Your poor brother has unwittingly ingested mood-altering sleeping pills (i.e. Halcion) which he found in an old bathroom-cabinet and took by mistake thinking they were aspirin. 'I can see now why it was banned,' you can say. 'He says he's feeling really odd and quite unlike himself.' This may help to excuse his behaviour.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, please write to 'Dear Mary', The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London, WC1N 2LL.
Previous page
