YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I have a three-bedroomed maisonette in Chelsea, but I spend most of my time with my boyfriend in his flat in Notting Hill. Consequently, I saw no reason not to allow a rather hopeless bachelor of 50-something (a friend of a friend), who was homeless, to rent a room from me. He is perfectly ami- able but seems to have no idea that it is possible to actually wash dishes up. He leaves them in a pyramid in the sink and, I presume, when he has used up every dish in the kitchen and needs something clean to eat off, simply rinses whatever he needs and leaves the rest. Whenever I spend a day or a night in my own home, I make a point of laboriously unloading all of his dirty dishes from the sink, doing my own washing-up meticulously, and then loading his back in again, but he never seems to get the message. What can I do? Name and address withheld A. Certain bachelors, indeed certain peo- ple, suffer from a form of hygiene blind- ness, whereby they simply cannot see the problem with pyramids of dishes, steaming towers of filthy clothes stuffed behind their beds instead of into a wardrobe, black bin- bags bursting their contents all over the
Dear Mary.. .
carpet, etc. Rather, therefore, than har- bouring resentment against your harmless lodger, why not announce pleasantly that you are glad to say you will not have to raise his rent in the immediate future, but you will have to ask him for another £25 or so to cover the cost of a daily, whom you are now going to have to employ to clear up the messes generated by him? When he quails, you can immediately qualify your threat by suggesting that, if he prefers, he could always clear his own messes up and thereby save the money. Whichever proposal he agrees to will lead to an improvement in your current dis- agreeable circumstances.
Q. I have a dear friend, very shy but won- derful, who is also wonderful-looking underneath her glasses, unflattering clothes and scraped-back hair. We work in an office together and I know for a fact, by the way her complexion becomes highly coloured, that she fancies a certain unmar- ried man who also works there. He, howev- er, sad to say, would not have the imagina- tion to see her potential and, as she always acts very coldly towards him, there seems little chance of a bonding.. How can I pro- mote this match, Mary? I know it would lead to marriage, as they are perfectly suit- ed, only he doesn't realise it and would never have the nerve to make a pass unless she encouraged him, which she never will.
Name withheld Hanover Square, London WI A. I feel the end may justify the means here. Find an excuse to have a drink with the man in question after work. Pretend to be much drunker than you are, then con- fide, 'I'm going to be terribly indiscreet. She would kill me if she knew I had broken her confidence, but X has been having erot- ic dreams about you every night and she can hardly look at you as she is so embar- rassed.' Following this revelation, events should take their natural course and the couple will be married in no time.
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