A fool and his money
Cash in your old shares now!
Bernard Hollowood
"In January when the FT index stood at around 150 and I was in despair a 'friend' offered to relieve me of all my share certificates for a set of golf clubs, and like a fool 1 accepted the offer. 1 believe that the shares in question are now worth at least £600 and I am wondering whether I have any redress." — T. E. Oakham, Wetley Rocks.
Sorry T.E.O., but a deal's a deal. As soon as possible though I should get a new set of clubs: the old ones must make you see red every time you use them and they can't be much help to your game. Whether or not you get back into the market is, of course, up to you, but you may have to wait quite a while before the index is back to 150.
"Back in January I read an advertisement in which I was offered unit trusts (Buncombe) in exchange for my failing share certificates. On acceptance I was forwarded a warrant for 203 Buncombe Units valued at £101.50 though the shares I surrendered are now worth at least £870. This is bad enough, but the Buncombe Units have steadily declined in value and as I write stand at 33p bid, 37p offer. Were such adverts and such transactions legal?" — Bert Twelmlow, Didcot.
I'm afraid so, Bert. The sharpies among the investment boys made a fat killing in the depths of the January slump, and quite a number of them became millionaires almost overnight. Teddy Prawn probe, for example, is reputed to have collected /...3,450,000-worth of equities for which he paid something like 1:800,000 in Moskvitch units.
On the other hand it is only fair to say that Teddy and his gang claim to have saved the market by their stratagem. The theory is that their buying sparked off the subsequent dramatic recovery in the market.
"I did a damn soft thing some weeks ago and I am wondering whether there is any way of repairing the damage. I was so sickened by the stock market slump after Christmas that I used my share certificates to paper the walls of our living-room. These walls have since been colour-washed and varnished and the general impression is OK, but I am worried. Are my shares still in order and what happens if I decide to sell?" — Mavis Wisden,' Wrexham.
You're all right, Mavis. Your dividends will roll in as usual, but you might have trouble with a sale if the share certificate is nothing like the original. For a fee, though, "lost" certificates may be replaced. So not to worry.
"In the second week of January (this year) the ET index stood at a derisory 146 and I had apparently lost a fortune. (My father had left me '20,000 ICI shares and 15,000 Midland Bank.) In desperation I sought the advice of a financial adviser, a man who stole my heart after only five minutes of boring conversation. We were married two weeks later and in no time at all my husband had doubled my money. Now although he is clever I know that such financial legerdemain is unknown these days, and I can only assume that my husband has 'made good' my account out of his own capital.
"He is a proud man and I hesitate to 'accuse' him of such generosity. What do you recommend? Should I make him take the money back, or let him think I am as innocent as he seems to think?" — Myrtle Travis (Mrs). Love is blind, Mrs Travis, and perhaps t'were better so.
"In January of this year the FT index sank to 146 and there was talk of a further fall to 100 or less. It was obvious to me that the situation was a phoney and that the index should have been at least 300. I therefore bought all the shares I could get my hands on, but my damnfool bank manager dishonoured all my cheques. My true worth today would be £27,600,000 but for this maniac. Naturally 1 have changed my banker since, but 1 still meet the fellow at the local Rotarians and I find it difficult not to thump him. What would you do?" — Alex Treadmill, Nuneaton.
Thump him, Alex, thump him.
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