Q. An acquaintance of mine has a penchant for sticking
things 'where the sun don't shine' in a vain attempt to gain attention at weekend country gatherings. His original prop was a cigar, which he used in a presidential if unconvincing manner to imitate our great wartime leader. More recently, he has resorted to a fellow-guest's toothbrush, and unfortunately encouraged amateur paparazzi to record the incident for posterity. He is clearly in need of help, but his friends are uncertain from which angle to approach him. Can you give us some advice, please?
Name and address withheld A. As you say; the man's objective is to gain attention. The solution therefore lies in convincing him that these antics have lost their shock potential. Nett time you introduce him to someone, prime them to say something along the following lines: 'I've heard a lot about you and — can you believe it? —you must be about the tenth person I've met in the last week who sticks things up their bum at parties. It's an amazing coincidence, isn't it? I'll tell you who else does it. . . 'She should then reel off a list of fictitious names. 'One was called David Baxter, then there was Alan Brown. . . . ' before pausing. 'But I met these people when I was intenriewing people forjobs as cinema ushers. We had to ask what their hobbies were. You're the first person I've met socially who does it.' This should see an end to the nuisance.
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