YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.
Q. I want to give a big party soon. What fancy-dress themes are currently fashion- able?
E.H., Ludlow A. Proper belly-laughs can be provoked by asking guests to come as the host or hostess themselves, particularly if the party is being given as a surprise for one of them. There was a successful realisation of this formula in Drewsteignton, Devon, two months ago, when countryman Nick Dixon walked into a field on his 40th birthday to find 100 people dressed as himself. Some came in contempo- rary manifestations, others chose to repre- sent key phases of Dixon's life in historical- pageant style. The treat, organised by Dixon's girlfriend Kate in complete secrecy, was seen to have all the ingredients of a moving emotional recipe, both hilarity and sentimentality being triggered in unison.
Q. Perhaps you could give me some advice on a matter that has bothered me recently. A short while ago, I went to dinner in a local restaurant with an old friend of 40 years' standing. The service was rather Inept, and at one point my friend had diffi- culty in catching the eye of the waiter to bring her a fork which was missing from the table. When her waves and calls of 'Excuse me!' went unheeded, I said, by way of a joke, 'Jump up and down, wave your knick- ers in the air.' To my surprise, my friend snapped, 'I find that totally offensive.' I pointed out it was meant as a joke, and is moreover the title of a (1960s?) pop song, to which the reply was, 'It disgusts me, it absolutely disgusts me.' As you can imag- ine, the atmosphere was rather awkward for the rest of the evening. We have seen each other since but neither of us has referred to this incident. I still feel rather uneasy about it, though. What might I have said to defuse the situation at the time, and to point out to my friend that she was over- reacting to a harmless, if perhaps rather silly, remark — if you agree that she did overreact? She was my guest for the evening, by the way.
A.H., Wallasey, Merseyside A. She did indeed overreact, but your friend may have had strong medical rea- sons for doing so. Best not to dwell on these. To defuse the situation you could have said, 'Oh, that reminds me of the time when I was really offended by a throwaway remark made by one of my oldest friends who absolutely adores me and who didn't mean any harm.' You could then have played for time by pretending you couldn't remember the details of the incident and changed the subject.
Q. On 12 August j.m.@virgin.net wonders how to encourage dinner guests to leave when he himself is ready for bed and they are keen to carry on partying. I have always found that, in winter, turning off the heating half an hour before the time I want the guests to leave proves a suitable encouragement.
j.h. @ which.net A. This is the sort of simple but effective tip that I welcome readers sending in.
Q.With reference to getting the upper hand over your trustee (5 August) may I suggest to your readers that this is not necessarily a good idea? My wife, who has a very domi- nant personality, managed to break her trust and five years later . . all gone, every last penny — £40,000 of it on shoes.
Name and address withheld A. Thank you for your eerie warning.
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