DIARY
JENNIFER PATERSON F. rank Johnson's account of my Spectator 'incident' reminds me of Frank Bristow's 'Tea Trolley Disaster' in the Evening Stan- dard. Events wrapped in the mists of time and gaining in the telling. My beloved Charles Moore (he who sacked me) is quite right: he let me start my food column one month after he had become editor; the 'incident' happened long after. Having given many warnings about the filth that was left in my kitchen, I finally blew and relieved my feelings on the disgusting crocks. Some stupid little secretary went whining down to Charles and we had a fine ding-dong on the stairs, and I was banished from the kitchen but not from the column. The esprit de l'escalier never entered into it; all was said and done right there and then. However, I returned after a couple of weeks with a kiss and a hug and have loved Charles ever since. He is actually a very funny man. Frank Johnson, who used to come to those lunches, has always been lodged in my mind as the young boy clutched to Maria Callas's bosom at Covent Garden, just after she thought of murder- ing him in Norma. He was a child operatic chorister and still sings duets with me. Another very funny man, thank God.
Due to all this television hoo-ha, I have been involved in some very curious activi- ties On Sunday I learnt what the Queen must feel like when carrying out her normal duties. Clarissa Dickson Wright, my co-Fat Lady, and I took part in the annual Christ- mas parade for Great Ormond Street Chil- dren's Hospital Fund. We were put in a 1937 open Rolls-Royce and driven in the parade with a band preceding us and a huge dinosaur behind us, masses of floats, Clowns, balloons of gigantic proportions. On and on they came, winding down from Marble Arch to Berkeley Square through Oxford Street, Regent Street and Piccadilly to the cheers of 5,000 people. It was heady stuff despite the cold: lots of waving and encouragement, especially from the chil- dren, which was very surprising. I hope they will all become inspired cooks later on. All great fun, and the rain stayed off until the end, when it chose to pour down as I took to my motor-bike for Sunday lunch with the McEwens in Camden, where I arrived soaked to the gills. Splendid lunch of good Old-fashioned roast chicken from a farm With basins of bread sauce etc., followed by a glorious apple crumble, cream and Stil- ton. Got soaked again going home, but it was worth it.
Iwent to one of those peculiar breakfasts that advertising people put on nowadays. I really don't want Buck's fizz at nine o'clock in the morning; I want strong Italian coffee with hot milk. Neither do I care for smoked salmon mucking up the scrambled eggs at that hour. However, this `do' was at the Groucho for the new magazine Encore, so vilified by Petronella Wyatt (9 November), which is to advertise clothes for the Evans outsize shop. Petronella describes Evans's clothes as horrible and so they were, but this launch was to show how their image has changed — no more Crimplene horrors but well-cut, smarter clothes that do in fact make you look better even if you are gross- ly overweight. I was wearing a divine little black tunic and trousers which has been much admired, I assure you. Also there were a lot of ladies much fatter than I am, which is always a feel-good factor, and they all appeared to be very happy and jolly with beautiful skin.
Book-signing is another thing that comes with. the territory of fame on televi- sion. We have signed in Newbury in a charming old Temperance Hall on the river; in Manchester at Waterstone's, where we also had to give a talk to 200 peo- ple who turned up. I was terrified, but all went well and we had them roaring in the The publicity about Crash has been good for business.' aisles. Clarissa is a great comfort on these occasions as she has been a barrister and starts the ball rolling as though she is addressing the Old Bailey, which induces a great air of confidence in me. But the amazing thing is the great warmth of the people who are there to buy the book and seem genuinely fond of us. Even children brought splendid drawings of us on our bike and in the sidecar. We also did Liber- ty's in London and Waterstone's in Lead- enhall Market, which was a magnificent place that I have never been to before, full of good fish and game birds. One spectacu- lar fishmonger was selling marvellous hot fish stew and meat goulash from an enor- mous cast-iron frying-pan divided down the middle. Spooned onto a bed of rice in a carton, it was the perfect takeaway lunch. I tasted both and they were delicious. Our customers there were all very nice business- men from that huge building across the way, eager to cook and full of bonhomie, which was another pleasant surprise. We still have to do Cambridge, Norwich and Bristol.
Afor being mobbed in the streets or the supermarkets, I don't get much of this as I am usually on my motor-bike and get the odd cheery cry from lorry drivers (again a surprise) of 'Good programme last night, Inv', or when I get off my little London Honda 90, mostly men again ask where 'the big one' is. As most of my shopping is done in our fine Tachbrook market, including fish and meat purchases, there is no prob- lem there, as all the stall-holders have been my friends for years. I even get invited to their christenings, which I consider an enormous honour, and what parties they give, indeed! One person told Clarissa that we had saved their marriage. I can't imag- ine how, but it's nice to know. The great thing is that so far everyone has been most complimentary and kind, particularly liking all the non-political correctness, so there we have it. Great fun.
Future excitements include appearing on Have I Got News For You this Friday, where I shall probably be made to look a right 'nana — look what they did to Miss Yates. Never mind: I love the show, even if I don't understand half those picture ques- tions. Wish me luck. Then we have to go to Birmingham for the BBC Good Food Show for a question-and-answer session, whatev- er that may mean; but the great treat is that Rick Stein will also be there. I love him and his fish. We have a new series next year, so all's well with the world. I've always been told I am a late starter, so if you are between 60 and 70, take heart and enjoy.
Previous page
