New Year Telegrams

The usual prize was offered for an alphabetical telegram (1.e. of 26 words, the first beginning with A, the second with B, and so on) suitable for sending at the New Year to any one of the following: The Archbishop of Canterbury, The Director-General of the BBC, M. Dior, Len Hutton, Bertram Mills, a fellow competitor, or any top politician.

I chose the recipients of the telegrams according to their fields of activity, but I now realise, after reading nearly a hundred of them, that I was being unconsciously helpful, for the selection, as well as giving opportuni- ties for reference to Gilbert Harding and Ian Johnson, also included Aneurin Bevan, Christian Dior, Ian Jacob and (as one competitor put it) Arch Bishop Canterbury, although no one tumbled to Alec Bedser.

Len Hutton had the highest figure, with the Archbishop nearly equalling his score. Bertram Mills had the lowest, in quality as well as quantity, but then, as R. B. Browning pointed out, he is now no longer with us, and very properly this competitor sent his message (' Olympia performance quite re- markable sons training unusual vicunas') up to Heaven. Prizes of Ll 5s. each to H. Lawrence Spear, Leonard S. Shutter, Lucy Bredin and R. B. Naish. The best of the rwmers-up are quoted below. It was with the greatest regret that I had to disqualify R. Kennard Davis's two excellent entries because he cheated over the 'x.'

PRIZES

(H. LAWRENCE SPEAR)

To Mr. Aneurin Bevan ANBURIN BEVAN. CLEM DETECTS ELECTION FEVER GROWING. HOPELESS IF JANUARY. KEEN LABOUR MEN NOW PROCLAIM QUARREL RIDICULOUS, STOP TRIBUNE UTTERING VEILED WARNINGS, XMAS ESTRADYFODWO. ZILLIACUS.

(LEONARD S. SHUTTER)

To the Director-General of the BBC AMIABLE BROADCASTING COMEDIAN DESIRES ENGAGEMENT FOIL GILBERT HARDING—INVETER.. ATE JOKER—KIND—LOVABLE—MOTTO NOBLESSE OBLIGE—POLITE QUESTIONER—RELISHES STUPID

TALKERS UNDERSTANDING — VERSATILE WIZARD XYLOPHONE YODELLING ZITHER.

(LUCY BREDIN)

To the Archbishop of Canterbury ADMIRING BUGANDA CHRISTIAN DESIRES EXPRESS "FRIENDLY GREETINGS. HAVING IN JUNGLE KILLED plOPARD MAGNIFICENT NOW OFFERS PRESENT QUITE REMARKABLE SKIN. THIS USEFUL VESTMENT WINTRY XMAS. YOLANDO, ZION.

(R. B. NAISH)

To the Archbishop of Canterbury AFRICAN BISHOPS CONTINUE DEFY EDUCATIONAL NAT. GREETINGS HOGMANAY. INTENSE JOY KIND LAMBETH MESSAGE. NORMAL OPENMINDED PEOPLE QUITE RIGHTLY SALUTE THIS UNDOUBTEDLY VERY WELCOME XENOPNILIC YULETIDE ZEITGEIST.

COMMENDED To Len Hutton (R. KENNARD DAVIS) .

ADOPT BRIGHTER CRICKET DEMAND EFFICIENT FIELDING GALVANISE HITTING IMITATE JESSOP KNOCK LINDWALL MILLER NONCHALANTLY OVER PAVILION QUIT REPREHENSIBLE STONEWALLING TACTICS UNLEASH VICTORY wn'H EXULTANT YOUTHFUL ZEST.

(LESLIE JOHNSON) ADVISE BUYING COMPTON DIGITAL ENCASEMENT FOR GLOVED HAND IT JUST KEEPS LITTLE MISHAPS NICELY OFF PRODIGIOUS QUANTITY RUNS SAVES THE URN VICTORIOUS WISHES XI YORKSHIRE ZINGARI.

(R. KENNARD DAVIS) To a Too-Successful Fellow Competitor AUDACIOUS BRUTE, COMPETITOR DETESTED, ENVIED FOR GIFTS HEBDOMADALLY INVESTED, JUST KINDLY LET ME NAB ONE PRIZE, QUIXOTICALLY RELAXING SERIOUS TRIES! UN BLEST, VILLAIN, WE EXECRATE YOUR ZEST!

(E. W. FORDHAM) To a Fellow Competitor (Allan M. Laing) ALLAN BEWARE COMPETITIONS DON'T ENTER FREQUENTLY 00 HUNTING INSTEAD JUST KINDLY LET ME NOW OBTAIN PRIZES QUITE REGULARLY SURELY TREMENDOUS UNCEASING VERSATILITY WILL XHAUST YOUR ZEST.

(IRIS ST. HILL MOUSLEY) To a Fellow Competitor (R. Kennard Davis) ADMIRE BRILLIANT CONTRIBUTIONS, DESPITE ENVY. FEEL GRATIFIED, HOWEVER, IF JUST KINDLY LEAVE ME NEXT OPPORTUNITY PRIZEWINNING. QUITE RIDICULOUS SQUANDERING TIME USELESSLY VYING WITH XPERT. YOURS, ZENOBIAN.

(ROSEMARY HOWARD) To the South African Prime Minister APARTHEID BRUTAL. CHARITY DESIRED ENOR- MOUSLY. FASHION GODLY HEARTS IN JUVENILES. KINDLY LOVE MEANS NEW OPTIMISM. PRESENT QUESTION REQUIRES SATISFACTORY TURN-OUT UNLESS VICIOUSNESS WISHED. XTIANITY YEARNS. .—ZULUS.