CONVERSATION IN CAROLINA

By GEORGE EDINGER

1" ENGLAND'S a pretty good country, ain't it?" asked the Surveyor a propos of nothing in particular. " What's that? Oh, England," said the traveller in ferti- lisers. He felt, as the only one present who had been there, that the remark was probably addressed to him.

" Sure England's all right. It's all them wild-cat countries next door that's been her trouble. Kinda difficult."

" She otta done somethin', though," insisted the bank manager.

" Sure she otta done somethin'," the traveller leant for- ward, " that's what I said to 'em, England otta done some- ,.7, " Way I see it," the bank manager announced, " is this: England's got a fine soil, raise most anythin', if the people could only get a hold of it. But it all belongs to those Lords they got over there. Now these Lords," he looked around at the assembled company, " they're frightened as hell they'll lose it all, once you get democracy on top in Europe, what we call Democracy I mean, so they just won't have the Dictators beat over in Europe, not anywhere they won't. Its a kinda insurance for them."

The traveller, who had been there, shook his head. " That ain't quite right, Joe," he said.

" Well, it's the way most of us figger it out around here," insisted the surveyor.

" Sure," said the insurance broker, " wasn't that the gang that outed Edward the Eighth, count of his having said the miners got a raw deal."

" It wan't that," protested the traveller, " it was cos of her."

" Aw, shucks. I believed all that boloney till they went an' outed Anthony Eden." • " That's the man I always did like," the innkeeper mused, " Anthony Eden."

" Not I, I didn't," the editor of the local paper interposed, " they'd ha' got us right over onto England's side with that man, and I wouldn't see these United States in a war for England again. No, Sir, we been had for suckers once, and they ain't paid us back the money they hired."

" What d'ya mean, would a got us onto England's side? An't we on England's side? " the surveyor wanted to know.

" Sure we're on England's side, same as England was on Abyssinia's side," said the newspaperman impatiently, " but that's not what I meant. I meant fighting."

" They otta paid back," the traveller admitted, " they certainly otta paid back."

The bank manager saw his chance. " They'd ha' paid, if the people could only get a hold o' their own country and make it raise crops, stead o' them Lords keeping it all for themselves."

" Hear they're talkin' about another token payment," com- mented the innkeeper after a short pause.

" If I was the President," announced the man who was only the bank manager, " I'd say to 'em, ' Well, send along your token payment and maybe we'll let you have a coupla fellers for a token army.' " " 'Cording to the English," began the traveller apologetic- ally, " they paid us back some, paid back the whole capital, they say."

" That can't right," said the innkeeper.

" Did you ever hear, it wasn't for themselves they hired the money, that they was guaranteeing the French and the rest so's they could fight Germany," the traveller wondered.

" No, I never heard that," said the surveyor.

" Well, anyhow," the bank manager summed up, " we gotta keep out o' Europe. 'Taint none of our quarrel and we gotta keep out. For what should we get by coming in, I wanta know that. We came in last time and got called a whole lotta names, lotta Shylocks they called us, that's all we got fer coming in last time."

" I been up over the State line," said the surveyor, meditatively, " they seem to think we couldna very well keep out, in Roanoke."

" 0, so that's what they think in Roanoke."

" Yes, Sir, that's what they think in Roanoke."

" Aw, where's the sense? " said the banker, disgusted.

" It weren't none of England's business," said the traveller suddenly.

" What wasn't England's business? "

" That trouble they got into in Spain, nor Czecho- Slovakia."

" They gotta alliance with Czecho-Slovakia," insisted the bank manager.

" No, Sir, they ain't got no alliance with Czecho-Slovakia."

" Well, no more had we got a alliance with England in 1917. But we come in. We come in for Democracy and we come in for Liberty, though we got no alliance. And they called us a lot o' Shylocks, and then they went and sold China and Abyssinia and Czecho-Slovakia and Spain and got rid o' Edward the Eighth."

" And Anthony Eden," insisted the innkeeper.

" That was a awful cruel thing they did to Edward the Eighth, turn a man out o' his own country like that ; they're awful vindictive the English," the bank manager went on.

" Sure, they sold the Chinese and the Abyssinians and the Czechs and they sold Spain and you'll see they'll sell the Jews, sell the lot down the river, and they had us for a lot o' suckers with all their boloney 'bout democracy," the news- paper man summed up.

" Well, we ain't all that noble," insisted the man who'd been to England.

" What's that? "

" I said we ain't all that noble. We sold them out 'fore they sold us ; over the League of Nations we sold 'em, time we sold our own President."

" . . . And the way I see it," he went on, " it don't help none to bring all that up. Maybe if we'd kinda said more they might ha' kinda done more."

" Sure Edward might ha' done more and Anthony Eden might, but not this tot, they'd never ha' done anything," the innkeeper persisted.

" Well, maybe they'd ha' had another lot then," he said irritably. " Anyhow, there's a hell uv a lot that's wrong with England, and there's a hell uv a lot that's not too good right here in these United States, and I always did wanta know who made all the dough outta that deal over the State Capitol. But there's one thing they got in England that we got right here in these United States, that's the way we're talking today ; and we don't need to worry none about who's listening, and that's what we don't wanta lose."

" Yea, that's right."

" Sure it's right. And if ever some of them wild-cat leaders they got over there was to wipe the floor with England and we got Japan kicking up rough, well, maybe then we might lose it. And that's why I say if England's in, we just gotta come in."

"Yea, that's O.K. if they'd ha' had Edward VIII and Anthony Eden, but I don't see why we wants help those Lords keep all that land. . . ."

I was feeling tired, and I moved away to my room, pre- serving the secret of my nationality till morning, because I was too weary to argue. But the negro boy who showed me the room had already guessed. Or maybe he had been reading the luggage labels. " Law Suh, you sho doan wanna worry what they done said," he assured me, " you doan wanna worry. Dere's just one thing counts a mighty lot. We speak da same language."