YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Someone rather glamorous has invited Me to stay in Scotland this month. I accepted With the proviso that I would have to leave on a certain day in order to drive south to attend a wedding. To my disconcertment, my hostess has now left a message for me announcing the coincidence that another member of the house-party is going to the same wedding, and that she has taken the lib- erty of suggesting we drive down together, i.e. I give her a lift. I have met the person in question once or twice and, although she is Perfectly well-meaning, it has to be said that she suffers from a condition which some have dubbed 'motor-mouth'. I cannot face the thought of listening to her voice inces- santly for the full seven hours of the drive, but how can I possibly duck out of giving her a lift? Please help, Mary.
Name and address withheld
4. Ring your hostess up and enthuse that you would be only too delighted to have the com- Pany of this woman, whom you have admired from the moment you first clapped eyes on her, but will she mind the fact that you have allocated the journey time to listen to the newly released and unabridged version of Lover Way, Part One' from Cover to Lover (£24.99). You had always promised a
dead mentor that you would one day tackle Proust, and feel it would be. disrespectful to his memory not to take this unique opportu- nity for concentration to introduce yourself to the taxing author's work. You can then click the first cassette (of eight) into your machine as you drive off and, as the total running time is ten hours and 15 minutes, you should be perfectly able to resist any annoyance. Indeed the whole dilemma may well prove to be a blessing in disguise, as it will enable you passively to reap the rich lit- erary harvest of an author whose work you might well be too lazy to reap actively.
Q. I daresay you may find my query too indel- icate for inclusion in your column, but I do require your advice. A married couple great friends of mine — frequently come and stay, but over the last few years the lady has got into the habit of leaving her loo (which is en suite) in what can only be described as an undesirable condition. Needless to say, the customary lavatory brush in its plastic con- tainer is prominently displayed. Although they always leave a more than adequate gra- tuity in their room before departure, I feel I cannot ask my 'daily' to carry out the function of cleaning the loo and end up doing it myself. Since I am of a squeamish disposition, I find this burdensome and, short of personal confrontation, which I am sure you will agree in this situation is not feasible, don't know what to do. Have you any suggestion as to how to resolve this unsavoury problem?
Name and address withheld
A. Simply pop along to your local camping equipment outlet and snap up some dispos- able lavatories. Leave a tower of these prominently displayed on a landing and announce en passant; as you are showing the couple to their usual room, 'Frightfully good idea these camping lavatories. You'll find one in your own bathroom. We use them all the time now, because it means you can just chuck 'em away instead of having to go through all that rigmarole of cleaning them like you do with the permanent ones.'
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