How to lasso an English man
From Dr L.K Vaughan Sir: As an Australian female I am an unlikely defender of the English male, but I feel compelled to offer a corrective to Leah McLaren's attack (`The tragic ineptitude of the English male', 27 July). Her inability to discern a structured dating ritual in this country does not mean that one does not exist. Rather, the accurately described nondate date is usually followed by a number of 'proper' dates, which may or may not be concluded with a quick snug. The endgame is reached only after a home-cooked meal at his place. To force the issue at any time before this is simply a recipe for disaster.
Although this leisurely pace may not suit some, I have found it to be a refreshing change from the three-dates-without-a-shagand-you're-out policy of Aussie blokes, or the boorish self-assuredness of the North American male. The English system also has a number of distinct advantages. For one thing, both parties have ample opportunity to retire from the lists without the need for embarrassing 'talks' or the humiliating sting that comes from being dumped only moments after having swapped body fluids and CDs.
While Ms McLaren may be correct in her assessment of the English male's skittish disposition, the lengthy courtship (although six weeks is hardly for ever) assures both parties of the existence of real and mutual respect, affection and, most importantly. trust. This gives the budding relationship a substantially better chance of lasting. My advice to Leah McLaren, if she wishes ever to lasso an English man, is to throw away the ghastly Rules book, quit whining and relax. Oh, and to realise that if he doesn't call again, it's not because all English men are hopeless and crap, but simply that he's not really interested.
Louella Vaughan Oriel College, Oxford From Dr E. Ann Ross
Sir: I was fascinated by Leah McLaren's reading of Henry James's Portrait of a Lady. Having studied and taught James's novel for some years, I realised how completely I and my students must have misread it. There we were, thinking that Gilbert Osmond was the ghastliest creep in James's canon and being horrified that Isabel could make such a life-ruining mistake as to marry him.
However, as for fending off the sexless advances of her sickly cousin, Ralph Touchett had consumption and was not in a position to make advances to Isabel. For understanding true passion in one of the most deeply felt scenes in all of James or, indeed, of all literature, one has only to read Isabel and Ralph's final meeting as he is dying. Isabel's complex motives in marrying Gilbert Osmond can hardly be simply sexual, particularly if the underwhelming passage quoted demonstrating his 'passion' is the best example Leah McLaren could find.
Ann Ross
Witney, Oxfordshire
From Nina Planck Sir: On the eve of the 1997 general election, I was working in London and had people for dinner. I had worked all day, shopped and cooked, and was still running up and down my stairs in my work suit, pouring drinks and boiling lobsters. My English date had been to dinner at my house before. In front of the others, he asked if he could help. 'Yes. please — thank you,' I said gratefully, and raced back to the kitchen, relieved. Several long minutes later, he appeared, mortified. 'I didn't mean it,' he protested with feeling. 'We never mean it.' I sent him back to his drink.
Perhaps Americans are too literal. But on the advantages of honest, earnest speech in minor social encounters — dating, mating and marriage, for example — I'm with the North Americans.
Nina Planck
Washington DC
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