CITY AND SUBURBAN
Turn up the flame it's time that the owners learned how to say: No, sir
CHRISTOPHER FILDES
Stevie Smith's aunt, the Lion of Hull, painted a sheep which looked like a compa- ny promoter. 'It had on its face that expres- sion of low cunning' (so Stevie Smith explained in Novel on Yellow Paper) 'and a little to the offside was coming on an expression of shifty fear, as if what it had heard a long way off was the hue and cry of the shareholders who weren't going to stand any more of it. No, sir.' It would be easier to paint sheep to look like share- holders. Out in the cold on the mountain- side, they wait with ovine patience to be fleeced or even butchered. Some, though, will not stand any more of it, and this has been their week. At the Lloyd's of London meeting they appeared in members' cloth- ing — so many individual insurance busi- nesses, sole traders with unlimited liability. (No wonder the Board of Trade is so enthusiastic about Lloyd's survival — imag- ine having to regulate and supervise every single one of them.) Then they took them- selves down to the docks, where British Gas was accommodating them in the 12,000-seater London Arena. It was time to turn up the flame and roast the amply paid directors. I greatly welcome the return of owner power to these meetings. The big shareholders too often sit them out, the small shareholders are only there for the sherry and sandwiches, and the single-issue protesters are there to break them up. It would not be difficult to list complacent companies with well-paid directors who would greatly benefit from the prospect of an annual public roasting. It would concen- trate their minds. Better still, of course, if the directors' contracts had to have the shareholders' approval. The chairman's portrait would catch that expression of shifty sheepish fear, as he hears the hue and cry of shareholders who have learned to say: No, sir.
Party poopers
TUNE IN to the board meeting. 'All right, gentlemen,' the chairman says, 'we agree to tell the remuneration committee to go away and think of something less gross. That disposes of item 4. Item 5: Contribu- tion to the Conservative Party. Charlie Hambro reminded me. The usual L100,000?"Frankly, Chairman,' says the chief executive, 'in view of the • sacrifice we've just been asked to make, I wouldn't feel inclined to splash out.' The finance director nods: 'Not for minuting, but if we're investing in this Government, we ought to account for it as a wasting asset.
Supposing what we get is the of the next government?' All turn to the senior non-exec. 'You know,' Sir George rumbles, `Glaxo and Whitbread have dropped their contributions, and those biscuit-makers too. Old faithfuls they were. Perhaps it's time. . . ' The chairman is mortified. It's all very well for George, he mutters — he's got his knighthood already. Sir George is not as deaf as he pretends. 'Never mind, old chap,' he murmurs, 'calm down and think of Nolan."Oh, Lord, .I hadn't thought of that. It might look awkward, I agree. Peo- ple would ask questions. Well, then, I sug- gest we tell Charlie to go away and seek lot- tery funding. Item 6?'
Baringisation
MAXWELLISATION is one of the Cap- tain's more enduring legacies. Twenty years ago he took the Board of Trade's inspec- tors to the courts, which ruled that inspec- tors who were minded to be critical must show their criticisms to those on the receiv- ing end, and give them a chance to reply. This is now standard practice and his name has stuck to it. In the hands of experienced corporate lawyers it can hold up the publi- cation of reports for years on end. I might have known that inquiries under the Bank- ing Act would have to be Maxwellised, too. It has happened with the inquiry into Bar- ings. Criticisms are going out in draft form, to be batted backwards and forwards until their stuffing leaks out. Money, reputations and careers are on the line — not only in Barings. It will not do to blame one rogue trader or the derivative contracts he traded. He was betting his shirt and the bank's shirt in a two-horse race, and his horse lost. Now we need a more sensible process, allowing inspectors to publish their findings as an
interim report, which could then be chal- lenged. Baringisation, we might call it.
Sawing off the branch
I LIKED the genteel outburst of industrial action in Kensington, when Barclays' staff persuaded their customers to use other banks' cash machines, but you can see why this strike is not going to bring the nation to its knees — or Barclays, even. The doors of the branch may be shut but the customers may never notice. They will do their banking, as usual, by post, by telephone and by machine. They will pay with their credit cards. Other banks' machines will dispense cash to them and debit their Barclays' accounts. Customers of FirstDirect are used to the idea. Their bank has no branches at all. No more does Citibank's new venture. For as long as I can remember, the big guns from New York have been trying to blaze their way into our High Street — seeking, as their man once put it, 250 bricks-and-mortar outlets. Now they have put their money on the telephone. Ring us up at midnight, so they urge us, and learn more. The banks' branches, built like fortresses, used to be their line of defence which protected the retail market and their hold on it. Now they look more like a Maginot line, costly, inflexi- ble and open to outflanking. As for Barclays' anxious staff, I fear that they are sawing off the branches they are sitting on.
Main Chancellor
HARCOURT, the Chancellor on Kenneth Clarke's Christmas card, was described by Churchill as a Falstaffian figure with his eye fixed earnestly but not unerringly on the main chance. Here he is, roughing up the Bank of England for overcharging the Treasury: 'I fought a great fight with the dragons of the Bank parlour. I told them point blank that nothing would induce me to listen to such an exorbitant demand and I said that it would become my duty to enquire what other persons there were in the City of London who might be ready & willing to accommodate HM's Gvt at a rea- sonable rate.' This threat to move the Gov- ernment's account to Rothschilds turned the trick. There has been nothing like it in the Ken and Eddie Show, or not in the pub- lished minutes, anyhow.
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