Television
Ad squeak
Wendy Cope
he world is full of great commer- cials,' said the actress. She was speaking to a vast roomful of advertising people, one of whom was about to receive an award for the best script of 1989. The Golden Break Awards programme (ITV, Wednesday) was full of delightful little absurdities. A man from the Whale and Dolphin Con- servation Society began his acceptance speech, 'On behalf of the whales. . . .' A little later a squirrel received an award for his or her performance in an advertisement for Carling Black Label.
'I'd like to accept this', said the trainer, 'on behalf of all the squirrels.' The prizewinning animal, understandably mif- fed, jumped off his shoulder and ran downstage to investigate the footlights. Viewers everywhere must have been will- ing it to leap into the auditorium and cause
chaos but we never found out what hap- pened next because they cut to a screening of the relevant commercial. I bet the producer needed something stronger than Carling Black Label by the time it was all over.
There may not be many commercials that achieve greatness but the programme did include some good ones I hadn't seen before. The British Airways extravaganza, in which large groups of people form themselves into a picture of a human face, won several awards. It's enjoyable to watch and must have taken considerable skill to make. My one reservation is that filming hundreds of pedestrians seems an odd way to advertise an airline — as a commercial for comfortable shoes it would be quite brilliant.
Anyway, I'd rather see British Airways winning awards than certain other orga- nisations. The latest attempt to convince us that a journey on British Rail is a soothing and pleasurable experience won a prize for special effects. British Rail advertising continues to have a special effect on me and perhaps I have gone on about it enough. But it would be a pity not to mention the alternative slogans suggested by the poet Kit Wright as we travelled together recently to a poetry reading deep in the Southern Region. 'Let the train increase the strain,' said Kit, as we faced another filthy carriage, another disgusting waiting-room, or a total lack of informa- tion about the departure of our connec- tion, `Let the train increase the pain.' That's poetry — it rhymes and it tells the truth.
True or False? is the title of a new Channel 4 programme (6 p.m., Friday) presented by Steven Berkoff. He intro- duced a film about braying upper-class twits getting together in a country house to take part in a manhunt. The quarry was an unemployed youth, who was doing it for the money. The weapons were rifles and pistols that sprayed paint. 'Bloody good sport,' said one of the hunters.
The whole thing seemed quite unbeliev- able to me and did, indeed, turn out to be a fabrication. The .second film featured a young man who has discovered a network of tunnels — access and ventilation shafts — underneath London. He takes a folding bicycle down there every day and com- mutes to work. He sounded very plausible. If this story is an invention, it was much better done than the one about the head- hunters. The answer won't be revealed until next week. I'm not sure if I care enough to tune in and find out. Wish Me Luck (ITV), my favourite programme since Christmas, came to an end on Sunday with a first-rate, tearjerking final episode. Despite the language prob- lem — it's difficult to accept a French woman doctor who sounds exactly like Mrs Thatcher — this wartime drama became more and more compelling. If you've missed it, watch out for a repeat.
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