YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. What do you do when you are just set- tling down to eat a quiet lunch at your office desk and one of your colleagues, who isn't eating lunch, tries to strike up a conversa- tion? This happened to me the other day when I had just got a really juicy bit of beef in my mouth and wanted to maximise on it.
B.E., Garlinge Road, Kilburn, London A. Carry on making chewing motions for an inordinately long time, simultaneously pulling 'hang-on-a-minute' facial expressions with your hand in the air. Finally, swallow and say to the waiting colleague, 'Sorry about that. I'm following that eating system where you chew each mouthful one hundred limes before swallowing.' The system, often recommended by alternative nutritionists as a promoter of more efficient digestion, does actually exist. It is something to do with the saliva breaking down the foodstuffs into more manageable textures before they make their way downwards. No reason, therefore, not to actually follow the system as it pro- vides a would-be lone luncher with the per- fect excuse for not talking.
• •
Dear Mary.
Q. How do I stop people with whom I pre- fer to have a more formal relationship addressing me by my Christian name with- out sounding pompous or patronising? The trouble seems to be that the use of Chris- tian names is nowadays regarded as a com- pliment by certain people, whereas I see it as an invasion of my privacy.
A. T., Shipston-on-Stour, Warwickshire A. Why not stamp out this vice by subtle means. Have cards printed with your name given only as 'Mr Twickel' (incorrectly of course). Hand these out to people when you meet them. When they say, 'Oh, but what's your Christian name?', you can reply, 'Oh, I never use it. I always go by the name Mr Twickel. It's a family tradition.'
Your reply to the reader who asked how to respond to parking-space thuggery remind- ed me of another solution. As an elderly gentleman in a Rolls-Royce prepared pon- derously to back into a parking space, a young man in a Mini drove into the space and got out saying, 'You have got to be young and nippy to do that.' The elderly gentleman said nothing but continued to reverse his car until the Mini was flattened, then got out, took his cheque-book from his pocket and said, 'And you have to be old and rich to do that.' This solution does, of course, require ownership of a Rolls-Royce to achieve the proper effect, but I trust it may be of assistance to your reader.
D.M., Marsham Street, SW1 A. Thank you for your anecdote which many readers will enjoy.
Mary Killen
Previous page
