No. 1244: The winners • v ited No. 1244: The winners

• vited Jaspistos reports: Competitors were in for' to provide, gravely or gaily, the words new Australian national anthem.

In spite of their own national C,snol"P:ot tion (1,300 entries, all rejected, £2 ,5uvour

Pool money unwon), not to mention ,,ess modest affair, the Australians are dottbil Still searching for the patriotic mots justes. I eLlIvisage that celebrated cultural attache, „es Patterson, slumped over his desk hours :Itter everyone else has gone home, rhyming

and 'dingo', and 'Australia' with wanfailure. Very few of you risked — and

at a risk it would have been! — a serious tattelnPt, and on the whole the unserious en- thles relied heavily on stereotyped humour that would have brought a pitying smile to vide face of Clive James. Gerry Hamill pro- arne" (with translation attached) a most

g Phonetic `Strine Nairsh Lenthem', second stanza of which went:

ti_alenY assprad assholes,

'

EertY chair congeals, ltggs jelly know their nigh tiv land, whi i!lason tairnsen ills? c for the slow on the uptake equals: rnany houseproud households, How nrila-aY Jack and Jills, Actually know their lftlye land, Its seas and towns and hills?' nd Roger Woddis, Basil Ransome- hd-,”es and Belle R. Welling were wnurable runners-up to the four prize- i" boaners below, who receive flO each. The setatts bottle of Pedro Domecq's Carlos III aw,ect,ed Brandy (a far cry from Fosters) is to E. O. Parrott. Arise, a

m. rise, Australia!

Your billabongs not fail yer! MaY you never lose That \lour dinkum booze

nflakes your males much maler.

Salute, salute' Australia! 11\toimb,

Let no enemy assail yer! And tell those poms And Chinky Corns They'll get bashed unless they hail yer!

Fly, flag of great Australia, As to the mast we nail yer! You'll win each game While Barry's Dame With praises does regale yer!

Advance, 0 fair Australia, land of the Great

Outback, Peopled by other countries with sheep that turned out black! We brought ourselves to statehood by poverty and prayer And immigration quotas. Advance, Australia fair!

From Melville's rocky islands to Hobart's sandy bays Our flora and our fauna take Pommies by surprise, From wombat and from brumby, from sleek koala bear, To kangaroo tribunals. Advance, Australia fair!

Our fathers came in wrists wore gyves, Condemned by cruel They fled into the for their lives. desert and dug for metals rare; They found the new Poseidon and made the return fare. (E. 0. Parrott) leg-irons, our mothers' judges to play cricket Dame Nellie Melba, Patrick White, Rolf Harris and Clive James — Our nation's torch is kept alight By these illustrious names. Advance, Australia fair!

For man-sized tubes of beer There's nowhere like Australia In either hemisphere!

Koalas in eucalyptus trees, Picnics at Ayer's Rock — Indigenous delights like these Increase Australia's stock.

Advance, Australia fair, Bright land of kangaroos!

To the glory of Australia Strike up the didgeridoos! (Peter Norman) With a sheila each side I'll sing you our saga!

See their chests swell with pride And my gut swell with lager!

But you won't see a tear — Not in one Aussie eye! — Because crying is queer, And we'd much rather die!

We are upright and clean, We're the tough, healthy sort, Not a poof to be seen, For a poof can't play sport!

So come on, you Aussies, You're not convicts or slaves!

Jump into your cozzies And ride in on the waves! Jump into your cozzies And ride in on the waves!