A fool and his money

Contract, compact, pact, plot?

Bernard Hollowood

No one seems to know how, when, where or why the 'social contract' originated. Conservatives claim to be totally in the dark about its meaning; Liberals, while knowing it can't possibly work, are under the impression that it is modelled on something dreamed up years ago by either Lloyd George or William Ewart Gladstone; and socialists aren't certain whether it is from the stable of Hobbes, Locke and Rousseau or the brain child of a prominent trade unionist.

Clearly it is in the national interest that the truth should be known and told, so I have taken time off to research the matter and I am now able to offer the reader a choice of the following scenarios. .

1, The scene is the dining room of Seacrest Accomodation' (with one 'in'), 59 George IV Crescent, Morecambe. The time, August 1973. The paying guests are finishing a breakfast of sausage, baked beans, toast and marmalade, and the air is already thick with tobacco smoke. A man in an open-necked shirt of floral pattern addresses another male, blue suited, sitting opposite in the bow window.

Meddowes: Weather looks a bit of all right, eh? Are you bowling this morning or going on the sands?

Cornwell: Best leave it to the missus. I'm easy. By the way, what union was it you said you belonged to?

M: NUW, National Union of Wirecutters. Regional Secretary, second in line to Colin Tamps.

C: Yes, you told me last night, but I forgot. Well, what are you going to do about getting Harold back? There'll be an election next year like as not, and we don't want any more Industrial Relations Act, do we?

Mr No more do we want another

In Place of Strife. Leastways, we don't. I don't know about your lot.

C: The National Association of Flannel Weavers is solid for collective bargaining and no government interference in wage settlements. But we feel both parties are 'after a statutory wages policy, so it's a case of which one will give way to a bit of pressure.

M: Or a bit of soft soap. We need a pact with Labour: they promise to nationalise, shove pensions and family allowances up and keep unemployment down, and we promise co-operation, know what I mean?

• C: I don't like that word pact. It smacks of Hitler and Musso in the war. How about compact?

Mr Thought that was for ladies' powder. Still, if you say so, compact it is. I'll be seeing Colin Tamps at the match on Saturday and I'll get him to put it up to Len Murray.

C: You do that, mate. Well, Mona love, are we going t'the beach or d'you feel like bingo?

2. It is June, 1973, and Mrs Danvers-Westlake is entertaining in a box atop the Grandstand at Lord's. Watching the Test and scoffing her strawberries and cream are Timothy Bloor-Spyke, Maggie Bloor-Spyke, Hinton Job, the ex-Etonian pop star, Melba Job, Chris Lestoque and Lord Fresnoe. There is a rourid of applause as Amiss square cuts a ball to the Tavern rails.

Mrs. D-W: Mr Callaghan is popping in later, so I hope you boys will have a nice political chat.

Lord F: Rather. I'm backing Jim for PM when Labour get back. He's got a super idea to ditch the Tories.

M B-S: Are you sure it's not your idea, Fressie? You've been exuding brain-waves ever since you joined the Labour Research Centre. Anyway, what is the idea?

Lord F: Simple really. The unions want to run the Labour Party when it's back in office. They've got a complete programme and if the party will wear it the unions promise 100 per cent support.

CL: How absolutely whizz! (Amiss hits another four.) Mrs D-W: By the way, Hinton, have you signed with the Americans yet?

HJ: Tomorrow, Danny dear. A terrific • contract to run for five years. And only one concert and one day's recording per month. Fab.

M B-S: That's an idea. Hey, Fressie, why don't you call this political thing of yours between Labour and the unions a contract? It sounds solid, permanent.

Lord F: Thank you, my child — you've hit the nail on the head. Contract it is. No, on second thoughts we'll make it Social Contract if Jim agrees. Pass the champers, Chris old son.

(There is a groan as Greig sweeps and is bowled round his legs.) 3. It is October 5, only a few days before the second general election of 1974 and Harold Wilson is dining in Huyton with Marcia, Nelson Wing of the NUM, Horace Cabstanleigh, chairman and managing director of Fothergill Holdings (1952) Ltd, and his election agent. HW: As I said in my Bradford speech at 7.35 pm on March 3, 1965,. the country is sound at heart. Pass the HP, Marcia.

NW: The polls are consistently in our favour, Ted's looking down in the dumps and we should be home and dry.

HC: But we need a landslide. D'you realise that 40 per cent of the workers still don't vote for us? It's disgraceful. We need one last push to win their support, wean them from the Liberals and Enoch.

HW: But Enoch's told them to vote Labour.

Marcia: They think he's bluffing. Suppose we promised to reduce the

retirement age to fifty, abolished TV licences and introduced a 50 per cent annual wealth tax.

1-IC: Come off it, girl. The unions can look after themselves. All they want is a free run at collective bargaining. If we promise them that they'll fall in like sheep.

HW: But we can't afford collective bargaining — that's the trouble.

HC: Suppose the unions pledged themselves to go easy, observe some kind of norm. Wages in line with cost-of-living or thereabouts. Say 20 per cent, give or take ten. Would they go for that?

NW: Wouldn't do for the NUM, but I dare say the rest would nibble.

In fact I'm sure they would. If you'd like me to put it to Len. I will. I'm playing darts with him tomorrow.

Marcia: The agreement will need a name — something simple and

ambiguous. You know, not too precise. How about 'understanding'?

HC: Too vague. The Tories would tear it to shreds.

HW: When I wrote my memoirs I signed a contract with my publishers . . . .

NW: But wasn't that a legally enforceable business? Unions wouldn't have that. It's got to be looser than a contract.

Marcia: Then how about 'compact'. That's sort of voluntary.

HW: I think you've got it, Marce. We'll make it compact to begin with and switch to 'contract' once they've accepted. . . .

All three versions of the origins of the social contract have their supporters. My own view is that No 2 gets nearest to the truth.