No. 1268: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked to anticipate the imminent British Telecom Dial-a-Prayer service with a formula that cannot possibly give offence or arouse con- troversy.

Today's prayer-cycle is transmitted from The Universal Church of Telecom.

We would suggest you kneel and clasp the phone.

Please say 'Amen' after the high-pitched tone.

(Prayer follows) Dial every day, and like a true believer Use reverence to replace the used receiver.

Unfortunately the prayer that Ginger Jones supplied between these oleaginously bossy instructions wasn't quite a prize- winner, so he joins Basil Ransome-Davies, Paul Griffin and V. Ernest Cox in the ranks of the deserving poor. The meritorious rich this week get £10 each. One should imagine Mary Holtby's 'hymn' sung by British Telecom's Massed Choir.

O Lord, we ask You to sponsor us in all we do to- day, and to fill Your supportive role in aiding us to show real concern for others: for children in school, men and women in their place of work, senior citizens in their retirement homes, and the less well-off in our society. Pardon our mistakes,

and see us through when things aren't going well. Please give us reassurance in times of stress and anxiety, so we'll follow the avenue You've signalled and journey through today's rough and tumble with hearts full of the good news of Your word. Shine specially with Your neighbourly spirit both on our goal of individual fulfilment and selfhood, and on our part in the welfare of the community, so we'll make a meaningful con- tribution to it; recalling Your own offspring, Jesus, for this moment in time and for futurity. Amen.

Let us pray for the power of prayer. For when we pray, we put ourselves in touch with ourselves, and think to ourselves of ourselves as ourselves, and by ourselves. So, we pray that we pray, that we may have the capacity for the silent commu- nion of prayer, and that that prayer may bring solace. For it is not enough to pray. When we pray, we must come to that state of prayerfulness in which we, whether standing, sitting, kneeling, plyrianyge.rowr oornthoyneofsioduer, believe that the prayer is a that prayer be powerless, we shoilledrebveefatiothplersasy, and also commit a logical fallacy. In our prayers, therefore, even as we speak, think, write or listen to our prayers, let our prayer for prayer be a prayer also for those who pray, like us, for

prayers about prayer. Amen.

O Lord, in Thy infinite goo(dNneelsIsL, .oWccraesgioibniae)l righteous anger, and sublime indifference to the caprices of mankind, grant, we beseech Thee. , that those of our wishes that do not contradict any accepted expression of Thy holy will, do not offend by their timidity, and do not demand divine retribution by their presumption, be granted, insofar as they do not clash with anY wishes expressed with equal validity by other worshippers not fortunate enough to own af

telephone or indeed ignorant of the existence of such a facility. In the name of the Father and o

Buddha and Krishna, Allah, Manitou, the Rev the Son and of the Holy Ghost, and of Buddhna.

Moon, Henderson the Rain King • • • (J. M. SowerhY)

O Ambidextrous Amity, Remote, yet constantly In Touch, Avert so-called calamity From life (or what we take as such); O soften Your asperity (Or what our weakness sees as that) And by the paths of verity — For You conveniently flat - Oh bring us where we would be at! (ary -

Supreme Reality under the various terms of chur- ch, mosque, synagogue, temple and simple stone circle, keep the rulers of the world and par- likewise those who have titular] of this country reasonably sane — and sibility in undertakings large and small, in b°t.I1 the public and privatised sector. Where there Is conflict, encourage compromise. Help us to be

positions of keY respon-

worthy to retain our jobs, or invest our redu dancy money wisely or, if unemployed, to bear our lot with meekness or appreciate the enhance leisure opportunities. Whatever is

steer us away from tension and frustration to a positive making the best of it.

(George Moor) Your will,

(Ron Jowker)