WHERE THE BARD FEARED TO TREAD
jarring jargon in the job ads
MANY state schools now deprive children of Shakespeare, and kids leave at 16 without having read through one book, merely 'extracts'. It's not surprising the results are reflected in the media, notably the job advertisements, though in the public sector it is hard to separate the ugly jargon from the objectionable activities it describes. Kingsley Amis once pointed out that anything involving the word 'work- shop' was suspect, and 'youth' should also raise eyebrows when used adjectivally; if you came across 'youth workshop' you should really be on your guard. But all that is old hat today. Give-away words now are 'referral', 'project', 'team', 'unit', 'co- ordinator', and `centre'; indeed, a typical advertisement is for a project-co-ordinator at a referral centre. She/he (the reversal is significant) is offered a 'dynamic' or 'excit- ing' opportunity to take on a 'high-profile' job at a leading-edge sector' of the social services, involving 'multi-disciplinary acti- vities' or, better still, 'working across disciplinary boundaries', particularly be- tween psychology, sociology and social policy. Those interested must send not for a form but for an 'application package' and if successful they will receive a 'salary package'. They may also be expected to work as a 'training provider' (i.e. teach).
Universities and councils complain bit- terly of 'cuts' in 'essentials'. But that is not substantiated by the jobs they advertise. York University's 'Social Policy Research Unit' — not something which would be high on people's lists of academic priorities — is looking for a Research Fellow on an 'exciting project' in 'informal care'. She/he 'will investigate how married couples cope when one becomes disabled' and 'how they negotiate this process between them'. She/ he will also be expected to 'examine' the 'impact of social and material resources on the coping process and its eventual out- come'. There will be, needless to say, much 'working across disciplinary bound- aries'. Then, in south London, there is a 'centre' advertising for a 'co-ordinator', who is `to replace the existing co-ordinator who is leaving in the summer'. It decribes itself as 'an innovative, voluntary sector, Community Mental Health Drop-in centre based in Southwark offering a social centre and counselling'. As for what the co- ordinator will co-ordinate, the advertise- ment goes on: 'Reporting to your Manage- ment Committee the post will involve co-ordinating the Voluntary and Profes- sional input to the centre; client care and referral; funding and strategy/planning in Borough mental health case provision'. There is, moreover, a Sancho Panza to this Quixote: 'The centre also employs a Pro- ject Worker to run a short-stay accom- modation project which is overseen by the co-ordinator'.
New kinds of jobs also stimulate the jargon, or what I call Council Hieratic. One local authority wants a 'Swimming Development Officer' for a 'National De- monstration project'. She/he can expect a 'relocation package' and an 'unsubsidised lease-car'. Another body requires 'Human Resource Development Advisers' from those of 'professional qualified graduate calibre', who have an 'impressive track- record' gained in a 'blue chip environ- ment', with 'the desire to succeed in a high-profile role'. Some advertisers strike a slightly defensive note. 'We don't pretend', says one Local Authority, 'everything is a bed of roses. What we do say is that St Helens offers career opportunities you will find it difficult to match elsewhere' — 'They say the streets are paved with crap!' including a 'uniquely challenging environ- ment', membership of 'a multi-disciplinary team' with 'a wide range of specialisms', not to speak of a 'recruitment package'. Another body offers a job at 'one of the more interesting junctions at Crewe' as 'a high-profile figure on the senior manage- ment team' during a 'period of strategic reorganisation'. Some advertisements are a little off-putting in themselves. One half- page in a national Sunday seeks a 'self- motivated manager' with a 'track-record of successful innovation and achievement in a mainframe organisation' so she/he can 'make their mark on the Prescription Pric- ing Authority, a Health Authority who's [sic] systems cover England and is current- ly the largest NHS computing centre in the UK'. Another states: 'applications are positively welcome from women, people from black and minority ethnic communi- ties, people with disabilities, lesbians and gay men'. Yet others insist that they will appoint her/him 'irrespective of sexual orientation', though they do not specify whether this vague term includes sado- masochists, transvestites, pederasts ('paedophiles' as they are now called) and necrophiliacs. One body, Action for Blind People, looking for a co-ordinator with 'computer literacy' and 'strategies to maxi- mise tax effective voluntary income', states: 'A person with visual impairment will be considered to have an additional qualification for the post'. Another warns bleakly: 'It is the Council's intention to introduce a no-smoking policy'.
Some of the oddest advertisements are for jobs dealing with words. Thus a nature charity seeks a 'Director of Communica- tions', part of the 'recently formed central Directorate', with 'functional responsibil- ity for 5 units (Media Relations, Public Awareness, Publications, Public Affairs and Information)'; and what is termed `s/he' will 'influence all communications activities'. S/he will also respond to 'key challenges' which include 'establishing mechanisms to identify and package stories for all selected media' — one way of saying supply good copy. It's a matter of taste whether this kind of jargon is more objec- tionable than the creepy-cosy style of Mersey TV seeking a new 'Boss Script Person' for Brookside: 'Any one of youse lot on the sniff for an ace job? We're lookin for someone to help pump up our scribblers [and] have a crack at what's going on in the 1990's . . . . Speak proper, like us, but also woolyback and Oxbridge'. However, after the 'funny' lead-in, you get the serious jargon too: candidates will require 'a real understanding of the inter- dependence of creative ambition and logis- tical necessity'; they will also be joining 'an equal opportunities employer' and one 'working towards a smoke-free environ- ment'. Would, I wonder, that notoriously heterosexual male chauvinist and probably pipe-puffing scribbler W. Shakespeare have troubled to apply?
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