DIARY
DEREK DRAPER Brighton he cult of personality that is engulfing this town has now gone too far. The ultra- loyal Labour Students organisation has just issued a new recruitment poster, with a photo of the Great Leader, arm out- stretched, looking into the middle distance. But look carefully and you can see that the image has been carefully doctored: the Prime Minister's teeth have lost 'their cus- tomary chip. Michael Dugger, the student chairman, comes clean. 'OK, yes, we did airbrush the photo.' This adjustment was carried out without the approval of Down- ing Street. Alastair Campbell would not approve, and it has been suggested that Dugger should be punished for his over- zealousness. He has been told he may have to colour in the chip on each and every poster before it goes on display.
Rumours swept the town that Rupert Murdoch was to visit the Labour confer- ence for the first time, though the Sun's political editor, Trevor Kavanagh, denies it was ever a possibility. (Incidentally, he also denies being asked to become William Hague's press secretary, saying, with a glint in his eye, 'Why me? I work on a Labour paper, after all.') One of Murdoch's closest advisers is definitely present. Irwin Stelzer acted as Cupid during the Blair-Murdoch courtship. He lives in Washington and Lon- don, commuting as freely as others do between the City and the Home Counties. 'I travel 300,000 miles a year,' he says. When asked what mistakes Blair looks like making, he instantly singles out monetary union. As he explains why, a lorry embla- zoned with a huge poster drives along the promenade: 'It was the Sun wot won it!' Seltzer stares. 'I thought we'd dropped that,' he said, before reflecting, 'It must be a Daily Mirror stunt.'
The best quote of the conference came when Gary Lineker ended up next to Derek Hatton in the Metropole's gents, 'What are You doing here?' enquired Hatton of the former England football star. 'Having a pee,' replied Lineker, midstream. Other embarrassing exchanges have been caused by the infamous 'ring of steel' that has been thrown around the conference centre. David Frost, arrived after midnight on Sun- day, fuming that he had not been recog- nised and found the security arrangements totally confusing. The SDLP leader John Hume had left his pass in Northern Ire- land; again, the Group Four security guards failed to recognise him. An exasperated Labour Party official pointed out that Hume was probably the last Irishman who would plant a bomb at the Labour party conference. He still needed a replacement pass before he got in.
Mariella Frostrup, Chris Eubank, Lenny Henry — a typical line-up for an evening at the Grouch° club. But this Sun- day they were to be found at the Young Labour disco. What better advertisement for how the party has changed than that it now attracts celebrity guests to its dos. The night was sponsored by Freud Communica- tions and Planet Hollywood and was so packed that MPs and Downing Street staff were turned away. Alas, the guest of honour couldn't make it. The Prime Minister had a bad cold and had retired to bed with a pack- et of Lemsip to make sure all was well for his big day on Tuesday. Peter Mandelson stole the show, taking to the stage for a dance with Sinead Cusack. On the way out, election victory T-shirts were being sold. Alan McGee, the Labour-supporting boss of Oasis's record company, Creation, had given special permission for a photo of Portillo on election night to be accompanied by the slo- gan, 'What's the story, mourning Tory?'
The passing of the 'partnership in power' reforms on Monday mean the end of the obscure art of compositing, where bits of similar resolutions are, quite literal- ly, pasted together on the eve of confer- ence. Tony Blair explains that his decision that policy-making must change was made when he witnessed one of these scissors- and-glue sessions. 'There was panic at one point as Labour's commitment to the NHS was lost behind a radiator,' Labour's leader remembers. This year saw similar farcical scenes. At the composite on employment rights, the MSF leader, Roger Lyons, insist- ed on his right to move the composite, claiming that his union had 37 lines in the finished motion, compared to only 34 from the rival printers' union. 'AN but', coun- tered Tony Dubbins, the print union boss, 'if you look at the number of full stops and commas in our 34 lines, we have more sen- tences.' Compositing has been chucked in the bin, not before time. Most trade union barons have been keeping a low profile, with one exception. Ken Jackson, the AEEU general secretary, has made a series of statements including the astonishing claim that 'we paid for Labour, it is our party'. He has called for the spin-doctors to cease their muttering about breaking the union link, but he has been running quite a slick media campaign himself. One union apparatchik explains what is really going on: 'Ken is looking for a deal. He wants Blair to allow individual trade unionists who pay the political levy to their union to join the party automatically. In return he'll agree to scrap the block vote.' Jackson would do well to realise two things. First, the more bolshie he gets the less notice Blair will take, and second, the Prime Minister has made his views clear. On the Jimmy Young programme this sum- mer he said, 'The relationship should be based on individual trade unionists wanting to be part of the Labour Party.' No hint of any halfway house.
An inevitable consequence of the list system of proportional representation for the 1999 European elections — confirmed on Sunday by Robin Cook — is that there will be a lot fewer Labour MEPs elected in 1999 than there were in 1995. Also, the list system gives huge powers to the Millbank machine to give priority to leadership favourites. So, what do Labour's canny MEPs do? Take out ads in the Communist Morning Star newspaper — Tom Megahy, Christine Oddy, Norman West, Shaun Spiers and Alex Smith in Tuesday's edition alone. Talk about a death wish.
This conference has seen the technolog- ical paraphernalia that accompanies new Labour reach a new height. One spin doc- tor has taken to using two mobile phones, 'one for incoming, one for outgoing,' he explains. It's a great contrast to the Tories. Their former media chief, Charles Lewing- ton, told last week of a test he carried out on the then Cabinet's new pager system. 'Call the PM urgently,' the message went out. Less than half-bothered, Ian Lang threatened to throw his in the river of his Scottish estate. Clare Short may wish she'd disposed of hers after a recent Privy Coun- cil meeting. As the Queen made her state- ment, the familiar beeping sound began. Miss Short began to search through her voluminous handbag, turning out the dif- ferent compartments. She still couldn't find it. Eventually it stopped bleeping of its own accord. Her Majesty, without looking up or pausing, said, 'I hope it wasn't anyone important,' before continuing , with her script.
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