YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Recently, when meeting new people, after answering the question, 'Where do you live?' I have been asked, 'House or flat?' I find this vulgar because, while the first question can mean 'how much money do you have?', it also means many other, more legitimate queries. The second ques- tion is only about money. How do I answer the second question without being rude myself? (It is particularly irritating because we live in a flat that is larger and grander than some people's houses.) Name and address withheld A. As your address is so central I am not surprised that strangers have posed this question to you. You are correct, however, in considering that it reveals a vulgar desire to know the extent of your material wealth. Yet you, too, display vulgarity in wanting them to know that it is a larger and grander flat than most houses. Therefore, why not use this method which will serve the twin purpose of elucidation and punishment ... ? Reply, 'It's funny you should ask me that because I always say it's a flat and then
when people come round they accuse me of having misled them. They say, "But surely this is a lateral conversion or something. It's too big to be a flat." Yet it is just an ordinary, exceptionally large flat.' Follow this up by querying tenaciously, 'But do tell me why you asked. It's extraordinary how many people ask me that question and I keep wondering why they do . .
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? I recently sprained my ankle just prior to visiting EuroDisney with my family. I hired a wheelchair, and we went ahead with the visit anyway as it was too late to cancel. To
my delight the wheelchair meant that my entire party was ushered to the head of every queue. I am sure that any of your readers thinking of visiting EuroDisney, but put off by the idea of queueing, would find it worth their while to hire a wheelchair for the purposes of queue- jumping.
D.T, London, SWI A. It was considerate of you to write in with this despicable tip, though many readers would have reservations, on superstitious grounds, if not ethical ones, of putting such a ploy into practice.
Q. How should I deal with my next-door neighbour who, when visiting me, keeps on suggesting that I should leave him various items of furniture? I have no intention of leaving him anything at all.
E.C., Stratford-upon-Avon A. You could reply, 'You are sweet to like it so much.' Then add ambiguously, 'What a shame it will all be out of my hands . .
Previous page
