YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. As a well-to-do mid-30s bachelor, gen- erosity comes easily to me (and honesty!). Dining out with married or partnered friends, I am happy, therefore, to offer to pay for the obligatory female friend of theirs, brought along in the desperate hope of mar- rying me off — or simply to make the num- bers up. However, it seems appropriate sometimes, in this egalitarian age, that single ladies of independent means should pay their own way. With this in mind, I was somewhat wrong-footed recently, when, on being pre- sented with a not inconsiderable meal bill and before I could offer to pay for the genial (and well-off) fourth person, she uttered the immortal praise, 'Dominic, you are really very nice and thank you for a wonderful meal.' Not wishing to embarrass my friends, I was, of course, very nice and paid 'our half', but I resented being taken for granted. Only now have I discussed this episode with my friends, since they have fallen out themselves with the fair lady (selfishness playing not a small part); they assure me that there was no 'memorandum of understanding' prior to the meal. Should I in future continue to shut up and pay up, or can you recommend an alter- native course of action?
D.J.M., Swindon, Wilts A. You should continue to shut up and pay up, with the proviso that at some time dur- ing the coffee course you should make a sexist remark. If your proposed partner snaps back with a feminist remonstration, you can say, 'All right, point taken.' Then, when the bill comes round you can laugh to the feminist, 'Well, I don't dare offer to pay for you after that little spat!'
I read with great interest the correspon- dence regarding calls of nature arriving when one is trapped in a traffic jam (Dear Mary, 8 July). The wellington boot is suit- able for men, but a plastic bag (Harrods for preference) is more suitable for a lady and, of course, perfectly suitable for a gentle- man too. If firmly knotted after use, the bag may be emptied later at home. May I have the temerity to suggest a more suitable solution for a duchess? During the Korean war my commanding officer made his pla- toon sergeant (me) carry his thunderbox. This was an easy-to-assemble strong wood- en box with an oval hole in the top and a large free-standing plastic bowl inside. A small open-topped tent, 4' x 4', was erected to surround the thunderbox when in use. I am sure the duchess's chauffeur could easi- ly cope with the setting up of the thunderbox on any street corner or motorway hard shoul- der. A sign ST at work' should be hung on the pedestrian side of the surrounding tent. This sign would, of course, explain away any noises coming from within.
B.J., Lingfield, Surrey A. Thank you for your suggestions. It seems to me that there is something repulsive about the idea of the plastic bag, but I feel the con- cept of the open-topped tent and thunderbox might well be of interest to parents whose teenaged children want to hold barbecues this summer. A few of these devices erected about the garden would be a perfect means for keeping the riff-cuff out of the house.
Mary Killen
Previous page
