YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary..
Q. A close friend of mine aged 40, let's call her Bridget, has a friendship with a neigh- bour aged 54, let's call him Nicholas. They first bonded a year ago when she consoled him after he was sacked by someone she herself had once been sacked by. Now they both have new jobs but he still rings her up twice a day and comes round almost every night. However, despite the fact that both are heterosexual and both single, Nicholas has not made a pass at her. Bridget has concealed her feelings for fear of him not returning them and of losing the friendship altogether by declaring herself. Yet she Wonders whether Nicholas might feel that all his original hand-wringing and confes- sions of inadequacy will have disqualified him from a romantic relationship with her, and that possibly he is in love with her too and is just waiting for her to make a move. How can she find out what the true posi- tion is without threatening the existing pla- tonic relationship?
LF., London W1.1 4. Arrange for a go-between to be alone With Nicholas in some sort of domestic set- ting wherein the subject of Bridget can come Up and they can both chat about her. The go-between should then make a casual refer- ence to the film Notting Hill and, in the next breath, remark — ideally from the far end of the room with her back turned to Nicholas — Did you know that Bridget really fancies you?' Should his response be 'Does she real- ly? How wonderful, I never dared hope. . . all is well and good. Should it be 'Oh no, that's terrible. We're just friends and I would hate to hurt her feelingsl', the go- between can laugh gaily, 'No, not you, you silly nit. Hugh. She fancies Hugh Grant.'
Q. Because of a misspent youth my rela- tionship with our family trustee got off to a bad start. Throughout my early twenties I frequently received strict headmaster- style admonishments from him and these have continued ever since. Even though I am now a responsible 43-year-old, I have never managed to get the relationship on to an equal footing. I think I could have access to some other funds and, since I am not going to allow any successor to have the upper hand in this way, I want to wait until the current trustee retires before making an approach. How can I find out when he is due to take retirement? Name and address withheld A. Talk to somebody on the switchboard and confide in her that you have heard a rumour that your trustee will soon be retiring and you would very much like to contribute to his retirement present. Can she make some discreet inquiries and ring you back so that you can put a cheque in the post?
Q. At this time of year I find myself attend- ing a lot of parties where Pimm's is being served, and Pimm's exclusively. I do not like the syrupy quality of Pimm's and find that, no matter how much fruit has been added to the mixture, it still gives me a hangover. It seems churlish and disruptive to ask for something else, so what should I do, Mary, when confronted with a waiter offering a tray bearing only Pimm's or fizzy water?
A.F., London W8 A. Come prepared for this eventuality with a screwtop bottle of ready-mixed Pimm's- coloured cocktail, made up of ingredients which are acceptable to you, concealed in the glove compartment of your car or hand- bag, or, indeed, about your person if you are of bulky build. You can then help yourself to some fizzy water, swallow that, then fill the glass up with more enjoyable liquid in the privacy of your car or your host's lavatory.
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