Predictable themes predominated: the unspeakable short-comings of other people's food,

drink, children, parties; the unmen- tionable transience of youth; the excellence of one's own entries. Yet, oddly enough, no one quoted that chronic (and, 1 am told, peculiarly English) insincerity: "But, my dear, it's just what 1 wanted!" 1 looked in vain for something Hardy might have said— or stoically left unsaid; and there were few entries which resolutely avoided the obvious. But I liked .Barbara Rickard's confession "that considering other people is a great nuisance," and Robert Avery's quotation: Pal monte pour vous dire, et d'un coeur veritable,

Que j'ai concu pour vous une estime incroyable, Et que depuis longtemps cette estime m'a mis Dans un ardent desir d'etre de vos amis . . .

which would have qualified, I should have thought, for either list. 1 liked, too, Leslie Johnson's unspoken admonition to a waitress: " You don't deserve this tip and I'm a fool to give it to you, but I haven't the moral courage to stand out against a pernicious practice," and, in a lighter vein, Granville Garley's address to a strange dog: "Good boy!"

No one scored six bulls, so I print a selection of the best entries. As for the lucre, I should like to give El each to Paul McClelland, Mrs. V. R. Ormerod, Pithecus and Vedette, for their contributions to the lists below, and the odd £1 to Peter Hadley (who cheated disarmingly) for providing a tail-piece. To Margaret P. Davies, Granville Carley and the others who are printed without payment, my unfeigned condolences!

Said but not Thought

They're all like this at three.—Paul McClelland. It's not the expense; it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing.Pitherus.

It takes two to make a quarrel•—Mrs. V. R. Ornterod.

OF course arguing gels one nowhere—Vedette. The United Nations.—Granville Carley. One lump, please.—G. J. Blundell.

You know best.—Leslie Johnson.

This hurts me more than it hurts you.—C. T. F. Now that we've met again we must keep in touch.—Vedette.

Being famous must be rather a bore at times. —Barbara Rickard.

No, really, it doesn't matter. I was going to send it to the cleaners anyway.—Paul McClelland.

With all my worldly goods' I thee endow. —Margaret P. Davies.

I wish you could have seen me.—Douglas Rawson.

It's the thought that matters.—K. N. Spooner. Virtue is its own reward.—Mrs. V. R. Ormerod. Thank heavens Punch wasn't what it is! It gets 'cleverer' and 'cleverer' and duller and duller.—Thomas Dolby.

She's prettier than my wife !—Douglas Howson. Why is it that nobody's house is ever really warm?—D. I. Beaumanoir Hart.

A had excuse is better than none at all.—Mrs. V. R. Orinerod.

I wish other people would sneeze more quietly. W. For•dhanr.

Baseball is the same as rounders. —H. Marconi Taylor.

How could you have married her?—Margaret P. Davies.

I hope he'll miss this putt.—Bulbul.

Every damned visitor should go home at 10.30 and give us a chance to clear up the debris. —R. B. Browning.

Too right—she does take after you.—Paul McClelland.

Dear Sir,

I enclose full details of my income from

all sources during 1952/3.

Yours truly, -- What We think

Abominable specimen of inquisitive bureau- cracy,

I've put down just about as little as I dare,

and I only hope you don't go Nosey Parking into my bank account. Yours my foot,