POLITICS
The Government whips' office has lost the gonad- twisting talents essential for the passing of good laws
BORIS JOHNSON
Until the last few days, the Govern- ment had a chance to prove it was not undergoing a kind of political menopause. After so long in power, Post Office privati- sation would have been evidence that the sap still rose. When Parliament returns for the next session later this month, though, the year stretches ahead, barren of legisla- tive interest. Except for a spine-crackingly dull pensions bill, there is no flagship, no centre-piece. Selling off the Royal Mail, enabling it privately to finance risky ven- tures, was in itself, on balance, an excellent idea. The postal services are losing market share to DHL and other couriers. It would not have meant the end of rural Post Offices. The Queen's head would have remained on the stamps. Her Majesty had been consulted and had approved.
And yet now the air is full of the squeak of back-pedalling. Whatever happens, the original ideal of a 51 per cent privatisation is dead. It might even be that no form of privatisation, not even the attenuated 40- 40-20 split between public sector, private sector and an independent trust, gets to a second reading (`It's sunk,' was the private view of one minister who ought to know).
This is not, as some glibly assert, a devastat- ing set-back for President Heseltine. True, he handled it clumsily at first, trying to bounce the Prime Minister by leaking the plan to journalists. But if one takes the conspiratorial view that the President embraced the scheme partly to boost himself with the Right, his free-market credentials are improved, in a way, by the greater pusillanimity of some of his colleagues. The failure, though, has wider consequences for the Government.
This marks a defeat, in the Cabinet, for the 'momentum men', in this case exempli- fied by Mr Heseltine, Mr Clarke, Mr Por- tillo and Mr Aitken, at the hands of the `consolidators', Mr Hunt, Mr Newton, Mr Hurd and, yes, the Prime Minister. It is a victory for those who believe, regardless of history, that Mr Blair can be defeated by a party encumbered by accreted public ennui and odium of 17 years in office, and with- out a distinctive agenda of its own. It is all Stanley Baldwin, 'safety first', and steady as she goes. This is the first fruit of the Bournemouth strategy, the line drawn under Thatcherism, where Mr Major announced that J'y suis, J'y reste, and posi- tively exulted in his lack of inspiration.
Worse, from the point of view of the Government, the climbdown shows its weakness in the face of a fairly footling backbench mutiny. For reasons not entirely unconnected with what may be about to take place in Northern Ireland, the Ulster unionists are opposed to the plan. Then there are the eight Tories who have signed the Early Day Motion opposing the sale on the grounds that it will 'frighten the horses'. These people like Mr and Mrs Winterton and Mr Hugh Dykes, are dismissed by most of their backbench chums as 'Nean- derthals', 'a rabble', and various other Tory terms of abuse.
In the early part of this week, Mr Hesel- tine was seeing the rebels one by one, deploying the full blow-dried blast of his charm. It does not seem to have worked. The rebels, in essence, have won. It is this parlia- mentary surrender, not just the ideological one, that is the climacteric. By giving in the Government is admitting its cowardice, with a majority of only 14. And one would think that this can only encourage revolt.
If the Government allows the Wintertons to walk all over them now, imagine what will happen on the EU Own Resources bill, due next session. Parliament will be asked to approve much bigger British contribu- tions to the EU budget. Hugh Dykes, bien sat; will hardly quibble with that. But the hard men of the Euro-sceptic right, always waiting their moment, have seen that obstreperousness pays.
Time and again his supporters have advised John Major to get tough with rebels, take the fire into the enemy camp. Why, it is asked, don't the whips crack down? There is nostalgia, believe it or not, for the old gonad- twisting ways of Tristan Garel-Jones. The vital sadism seems to be missing from the Whips' procedure, which always used to run as follows: 1. Ah, Winterton, just what is it that offends you in the Post Office privatisa- tion bill? 2. Visit to minister. 3. Rough stuff, Tory-style verbal abuse, followed, at least in legend, by the polaroids produced from the `Coming to salary matters and share options, forgive me if I tend to gush.' bottom drawer. These days, apparently, the thumb-screws are off.
Lately Downing Street has let it be known, extraordinarily, that there is disap- pointment with Mr Richard Ryder, the Chief Whip. He is felt to have given duff advice over whether or not to sack Mr Neil Hamilton last week, blowing hot and cold on the question. Indeed, there is much gen- eral gossip about the judgment of this pleasant-looking bespectacled head-prefect type. This seems, prima facie, unfair. The whips are there to relay backbench opinion. But in making policy possible with the par- liamentary party, they must take their lead from Downing Street and the Prime Minis- ter. Their real difficulty arises, as over the sale of the Post Office, when they have no clear sense of direction.
In the short term, the legislative vacuum may not matter, since Tory MPs can occupy their minds in less taxing ways, by feuding with the press. It was comical to watch them puff up at Question Time and promise to call Mr Peter Preston to the Bar of the House, the first time since Sir John Junor in 1956, etc. No one seems to have any idea what their ancient rights permit the MPs to do with Mr Preston, once at the Bar. Some of them may have vague fan- tasies of corporal punishment administered with some piece of regalia by the Serjeant at Arms, Sir Alan Urwick KCVO CMG, or some other man in tights. Fatigue, on the other hand, is starting r° set in on this whole question of MPs' con- duct (By the way, haven't you had enough of this word sleaze? Since it is a noun aris- ing by a linguistic process called backfor- mation from an adjective coined ro describe the Nixonian White House, one might as well have 'seed', or even 'seam' of `dodge'). It seems most unlikely — this is the column that sticks its neck out — that Mr Aitken will have to resign over his stay at the Ritz. Much as one approves of Mr Preston's egg-hurling approach, the whole story will probably end with the Guardian s pink face almost invisible for albumen: And if and when all that is over, it will become apparent to the Tories, and to the electorate, that they have nothing much else of importance to debate, and that, to Mr than anyBlair. Boris factor, will add lustre Boris Johnson writes for the Daily TelegraPh
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