YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.
Q. I do most of my reading in bed as it is the only place where I can concentrate. I am currently reading War and Peace, but am finding the physical effort of manipulat- ing such a giant book to be irksome. Even sitting upright one has to fold page corners down, and trying to snuggle down comfort- ably on one's back is pointless if one has to hold a weighty load above one's head. Short of sitting at a table and using a lectern, I can't imagine how the average lit- erary eminence manages to handle these unwieldy tomes. What do you suggest? W, Chiswick, W6 A. Why not take a tip from novelist Raf- faella Barker, daughter of the late great George? Suffering from physical strain over the same bulky masterpiece, she recently nipped into W.H. Smith and purchased a Wordsworth Classic paperback version for only 99 pence. This enabled the bird-like bohemian to peel off suitably sized portions and read them in comfort. She also enjoyed hearing the satisfying clunk of a finished segment falling into her bedside bin.
Q. An extremely rich friend of mine broke a piece of priceless porcelain as he fell under my table drunk at a 50th birthday party lunch the other day. The bill for repair will be horrendous but it seems inhospitable to charge my friend for it especially since he has no recollection of having broken anything. On the other hand, he would certainly want to pay were he aware of his crime. So how should I go about illuminating him?
W W, Suffolk A. Ring up a favoured porcelain mender speaking in a slurred voice and announce that you have just broken something belong- ing to a friend. It will be brought for repair, and you insist that you be telephoned when it is ready for collection as you want to settle the bill. Then give your rich friend's name and telephone number. Say, 'You'll probably have to remind me what it's all about when the time comes.' Though he will be initially mystified to receive a call announcing the fabulous cost of repair of some porcelain he had not known he had broken, your friend will soon, after making a few intelligent enquiries, put two and two together. No doubt he will be shocked to realise that he has no recollection of either making the breakage or the telephone call, but this in itself will be no bad thing.
Q. Although I enjoy cooking I find reading recipe books something of an ordeal. The choice is so huge as to be undermining, besides which, I do not like being given orders and resent the usual dictatorial tone. How can I enliven my repertoire without recourse to cookery-books?
E.T., London W2 A. As a Londoner your problems are easily solved. Next time you are feeling peckish simply go to a nearby restaurant and look at the menu outside. There you will see delicious-sounding dishes briefly described, but without repulsive details about how they are made. Simply buy the ingredients and do your best to mimic these dishes by trial and error. You will also give yourself the small satisfaction of saving on cost.
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