YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My 70-year-old parents inherited a size- able sum of money from a great aunt two years ago. Unfortunately they have appalling taste and, instead of spending the money on travelling, or taking advice and snapping up some of the bargains currently available in the sale-rooms, they have fallen Into the terrible trap of buying heritage Offers from the Sunday supplements. Their walls are lined with collections of commem- orative thimbles and miniature vintage cars, reproductions of the Mappa Mundi and facsimiles of the Domesday book. They honestly believe that one day these things Will be heirlooms and, still worse, that I, as their ultimate recipient, will treasure them. I know my parents better than to criticise them to their faces. What can I do to stop them?
R.K Blandford 4. You could communicate with a leading auction house, suggesting that its local rep- resentative in your parents' area should get in touch to view `an extraordinary collec- tion' and value it for insurance purposes. No doubt your parents will jump at the oPportunity of discussing the sky-rocketing value of their investment and will agree to a
Dear Mary. . .
meeting. There should be no need for you to take any further action.
Q. I very much enjoyed reading the excel- lent memoirs of Quentin Crewe which were well reviewed in your pages. A number of friends had already suggested that they might be of interest to me as I too am simi- larly disabled and — their words, not mine — 'have an engaging personality'. My prob- lem is that I have just moved into a village where I know no one and my engaging per- sonality may not be immediately apparent to those neighbours, some more attractive than others, in my terrace whom I see glancing at me from their windows. How can I make friends with them? I am not
trapped in the cottage as I have an adapted car which enables me to do the shopping.
0.W. Northants A. Why not leave your car's headlights on when next you park it outside your house? It won't be long before someone comes round to tell you. Then you can lure them into conversation, exercising the appropri- ate amount of charm according to the desirability of the neighbour as friend.
Q. I am a 35-year-old bachelor living in London. I have just been away for a week's impromptu holiday. What is the correct number of messages to find on my answer- phone on my return?
D.M. SW5 A. You can have any number of business calls but a maximum of three personal calls for each day that you were away. Any more would indicate a lack of discrimination on your part or that you had acquired a repu- tation for social promiscuity.
If you have a problem write to 'Dear Mary', The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WCIN2LL
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