YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. A friend of ours, who has lived in this area far longer than we have, has set us a prob- lem. We have managed to acquire an area of land on which there are some good blackber- ries. Last year, when they were plentiful, we were walking our gun dogs when we came across our neighbour blackberrying, but, apart from evincing some surprise, we said nothing, particularly as we were shortly to have dinner with her. We had to rearrange some fencing during the spring and, as a result, some productive brambles were grubbed out. I was walking the dogs this week and had been keeping an eye daily on the remaining hedge fruit, when I came across her again helping herself to what we had intended to pick ourselves next week- end. There are not so many blackberries this year after the dry summer. Last year, she was picking berries for some unexpected guests; this year it was for the children's corner of the church, which she runs very well. She and my wife are on the same church committee. We don't want to be mean or unChristian, but there are no rights over the land, which is entirely private. What would you suggest as a tactful way of letting her know that we would have expected to be asked?
Name and address withheld A. Thank you for your enjoyable query. Why not go away for a few days and invite a friend to stay in your house? Posing as a professional house-sitter, he can rush out, rottweiler-style, when he sees your neigh- bour blackberrying and demand, 'Do you realise you are trespassing on private land? Well, I'll take your word for it that the own- ers know you, but they made no mention to me of having given anyone permission to pick blackberries. I would have thought they might well have wanted to pick these for their own use . . . ' and so on. When you return, you can telephone the neighbour, `I'm so sorry, I hear you were bearded by our rather officious house-sitter. I have ticked him off about it, but you know he thought he was only doing his job. Of course you can blackberry, but just give us a ring before you come next time so that we don't have a repeat performance.'
Q. What should one do when Dear Mary's problem page leads one's neighbours to think one is more reclusive than one actu- ally is?
C.B., Aldeburgh [originally Name with- held, Aldeburgh] A. I am sorry that I misunderstood C.B. of Aldeburgh's verbally submitted query (31 August). I am happy to set the record straight. C.B. very much enjoys his pave- mental interchanges with known neigh- bours. He does not particularly enjoy neighbours who bask so overtly in Alde- burgh's famously informal atmosphere that they enter his premises without first ringing the doorbell, and mount the stairs to surprise him in his bedroom or bath- room.
Mary Killen If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, Lon- don WC1N
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